October was a Bust

Well, the September round of clomid was a bust, so no baby due around Mike's birthday and therefore, October was pretty much a bust because how long it took to find out and start another round of provera.

We are now on our 2nd round of clomid and hoping for a late July/early August baby. This may be our last round for a little while so I can take time to get healthy. I'm not saying we are going to stop trying the old-fashioned (aka no drug induced ovulation) way but we are both dissatisfied with our RE after our last appointment.

There is a chance we might go for a 3rd round of clomid before giving up if this one doesn't take but neither of us are sure we want to deal with the RE follow up before we start that round. I don't understand why we even have to go in to see the doctor when he already knows whether that round worked or not based on my progesterone labs.

I will say this, if this round does work and we get pregnant, I will not be going to him to get a confirmation. I'll just go to our medical center to get a confirmation, if that's even necessary. I will make an appointment with our perinatal specialist, Dr. Adashek, for an 8 week and 12 week ultrasound. Honestly, after we get pregnant I will be happy to never see this RE again.

So, here's hoping to a November positive but other than on here, which I'm sure nobody actually looks at, we won't be making any announcements until we know at the 12 week ultrasound if the baby is healthy.

Doubtful

It's hard to believe but it's been over 4 1/2 years since we started trying to have a baby. It doesn't seem like it's been that long some days and other days it seems like it's been decades.

We had some reason to hope this month with the clomid but now we have no clue as to what's happening this cycle. We go back to the doctor later this morning to see exactly what he thinks, and maybe we'll have to start fresh or maybe we'll be surprised. I have the feeling we're going on to round 2 of clomid but I'd really like it to be the surprised.

There are days when I just feel so tired and depressed by this whole thing. There are never days that I want to give up. Yes, there are days when I think we should just not pin our hopes on having children of our own and start trying to adopt. One of the hardest things in life, aside from losing our babies, is the fight to forge on and keep trying month after month, year after year.

We know it's what we want but that doesn't make the waiting any easier. I swear when I do get pregnant with a healthy baby one of 2 things is going to happen: 1. We don't tell anyone because we want to enjoy finally having done it; or 2. We only tell immediate family and don't tell them any of our birth plans at all. I just know one thing, I'll be glad to stop obsessing over this once we get pregnant with a healthy baby. We'll be happy with just one natural child if that's all we get but we do want more than that.

But first, I want to know what's going on this cycle.