So it's been exactly a week since I've knowingly had anything with refined sugar or high fructose corn syrup. I don't really miss it and I don't have any cravings for it either.
I've decided that I really want to clean up what I'm eating as far as additives and chemicals. I want to go to eating very clean, which in my definition means that I cut out HFCS and any foods that have things on the ingredients label other than what can naturally be grown.
For example, I opened a jar of cinnamon applesauce the other day and after I'd already eaten part of a serving, I notice the label said it contained apples, cinnamon, and HFCS. I was looking at it thinking why is the HFCS necessary? Apples are sweet enough as they are.
There are a lot of foods out there that you would would just look at and think there aren't any additives to them, but if you read the label they're there. I'm also determined to cut out meats and dairy products that are given excess hormones. So, I'm going to start reading labels and making sure everything is as natural and with no additives/chemicals as possible.
I don't think I've actually lost any weight, but I don't really mind because I know that I'm already healthier than I was a week ago. We also started doing my bellydancing DVD, The Goddess Workout (beginner) with Dolphina. It's 45 minutes and is really a great workout. I remember now why I used to love doing it.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Getting Healthy
My mom and I have come up with a plan for us to get healthy gradually instead of making a lot of changes at once and increasing our odds of cheating. We are going to make gradual changes over the next year and implement a new change every 3 months.
The first three month's change is multi-part because we have to get used to doing all of these things. We are cutting out all junk food and refined sugars from our diet. We are also going to start weighing and measuring our food so we can eat proper portions. Not really me, but my parents and Mike are big on buying junk food, and the only way we are all going to get healthy is if we eliminate the junk food. I implemented this change on Sunday, July 17th. I believe if I cut out all of the junk food and refined sugar I may be able to get my estrogen dominance/insulin resistance under control.
The second three month's change is eliminating white/refined bread products from our diet and sticking with whole grains. I don't really eat a lot of bread and what I do is usually whole wheat/whole grain. Often we don't think about the fact that most pasta is made from white flour and when we go out to eat we eat the white bread/buns and don't even think about it.
The third three month's change is to eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. By this time, we should be eating plenty of fruits and veggies anyway but we should have made the first 2 changes habits but may not always get 5 servings of fruits and veggies in per day.
The final three month's change is to focus on getting in at least an hour of exercise 5 days a week. Hopefully by this point we would have integrated exercise into our lifestyle change but if not, we are really focusing on it in this phase.
By doing these phases to focus on getting healthy instead of losing weight then it won't be a constant thought in our head. It would be nice if we do lose weight while doing this but right now I just want to eliminate the foods that are causing my hormonal issues, which are mainly the high sugar foods.
The first three month's change is multi-part because we have to get used to doing all of these things. We are cutting out all junk food and refined sugars from our diet. We are also going to start weighing and measuring our food so we can eat proper portions. Not really me, but my parents and Mike are big on buying junk food, and the only way we are all going to get healthy is if we eliminate the junk food. I implemented this change on Sunday, July 17th. I believe if I cut out all of the junk food and refined sugar I may be able to get my estrogen dominance/insulin resistance under control.
The second three month's change is eliminating white/refined bread products from our diet and sticking with whole grains. I don't really eat a lot of bread and what I do is usually whole wheat/whole grain. Often we don't think about the fact that most pasta is made from white flour and when we go out to eat we eat the white bread/buns and don't even think about it.
The third three month's change is to eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. By this time, we should be eating plenty of fruits and veggies anyway but we should have made the first 2 changes habits but may not always get 5 servings of fruits and veggies in per day.
The final three month's change is to focus on getting in at least an hour of exercise 5 days a week. Hopefully by this point we would have integrated exercise into our lifestyle change but if not, we are really focusing on it in this phase.
By doing these phases to focus on getting healthy instead of losing weight then it won't be a constant thought in our head. It would be nice if we do lose weight while doing this but right now I just want to eliminate the foods that are causing my hormonal issues, which are mainly the high sugar foods.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Disappointed
Ok, I have to admit I'm more than a little disappointed in my friends and family when it comes to my AVON sales. I hate depending on friends and family to order from me and I know times are tough (and I don't really expect people to order from me every time a new catalog comes out) but this is just pathetic.
Yes, there are some friends that I know simply can't afford to order from me and I'm not disappointed in them, but it's the rest of them that I know can afford to order (and order things online similar to what I'm selling). Heck, my mom and SIL order from me and they have little to no money to spare but they are doing it more to support me than to keep my business going.
I think the reason I'm really disappointed is because I am donating $1 for every online sale I get from my facebook AVON Naturals Feeding America event and I've only had 1 sale. This charity is very important not only to food banks in this area but to food banks all over the country. There are people out there just like me and Mike who have lost everything and depend on those food banks for every meal. The only reason we aren't in that position is because of family. The reason this is a big deal is because $1 equals 7 meals. I guess it's easier to ignore the problem when it doesn't affect you personally.
Yes, I will admit I want the sales, but I want to make the donations too. I don't wish bad upon anyone but I do wish that every one of those people that can afford to buy from me but have decided not to buy anything because they don't want to feel obligated to make future purchases from me could experience for a day or two what it's like to wonder where their next meal is coming from. Mike and I have been there more than I'd like to admit. We had months when we first got our own place where we weren't sure how we were going to pay our rent, buy groceries, or even get gas and we couldn't imagine how we could pay for all three at once.
Those are the times that I am most thankful to God because I know He was watching over us. We went to church 20 miles across town every week (in Vegas) and even though we didn't really have the money we'd donate a few dollars or whatever change we had. Every time that happened and we didn't know what we were going to do, somehow God provided the money we needed. There are people who aren't as fortunate as we are and I think it's time to give back even though we don't know if we can afford the few bills we still have to pay. Mike and I can't afford to donate much but I am still donating this money and I make very little with AVON even with these sales. I think that's the reason I am disappointed the most because we are willing to give back even though we can't afford it, and there are people out there that can afford to spend $10 to donate $1 but won't do it.
Yes, there are some friends that I know simply can't afford to order from me and I'm not disappointed in them, but it's the rest of them that I know can afford to order (and order things online similar to what I'm selling). Heck, my mom and SIL order from me and they have little to no money to spare but they are doing it more to support me than to keep my business going.
I think the reason I'm really disappointed is because I am donating $1 for every online sale I get from my facebook AVON Naturals Feeding America event and I've only had 1 sale. This charity is very important not only to food banks in this area but to food banks all over the country. There are people out there just like me and Mike who have lost everything and depend on those food banks for every meal. The only reason we aren't in that position is because of family. The reason this is a big deal is because $1 equals 7 meals. I guess it's easier to ignore the problem when it doesn't affect you personally.
Yes, I will admit I want the sales, but I want to make the donations too. I don't wish bad upon anyone but I do wish that every one of those people that can afford to buy from me but have decided not to buy anything because they don't want to feel obligated to make future purchases from me could experience for a day or two what it's like to wonder where their next meal is coming from. Mike and I have been there more than I'd like to admit. We had months when we first got our own place where we weren't sure how we were going to pay our rent, buy groceries, or even get gas and we couldn't imagine how we could pay for all three at once.
Those are the times that I am most thankful to God because I know He was watching over us. We went to church 20 miles across town every week (in Vegas) and even though we didn't really have the money we'd donate a few dollars or whatever change we had. Every time that happened and we didn't know what we were going to do, somehow God provided the money we needed. There are people who aren't as fortunate as we are and I think it's time to give back even though we don't know if we can afford the few bills we still have to pay. Mike and I can't afford to donate much but I am still donating this money and I make very little with AVON even with these sales. I think that's the reason I am disappointed the most because we are willing to give back even though we can't afford it, and there are people out there that can afford to spend $10 to donate $1 but won't do it.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
4th of July
We had a great time on the 4th. It was very different for Mike because in Vegas there aren't many places that do actual firework shows. We would usually go to his parent's house and do our own fireworks after BBQ if they didn't have to work that day because they usually cook all day the day of the holiday (no matter the holiday). There weren't many kids around other than our 2 year old niece Kristin.
We went to my brother, Josh, and SIL, Yvonne's house for BBQ along with my mom (dad had to work), grandma, uncle Lloyd, Yvonne's sister Bobbie, her husband, Yvonne's dad, Yvonne's cousin, Malissa, and her husband Rob, Malissa's dad, Malissa's brother, Dallas, his wife Jen, and their baby Ranson plus my nephews Ash & Jax, Bobbie's kids Ginny and Aiden, and Malissa's kids Tyler and Logen. It was a crazy day.
Mike and I bought Ash and Jax a little inflatable seal that has a built in sprinkler, so all of the kids were running through that, screaming, and in general having a blast. That's when it hit me just how left out Mike and I were with our angelbabies. It was sitting there watching them and trying to imagine what it would be like if our 4 year old and almost 3 year old were out there with those kids, that did it. We were the only people there at this age who don't have kids and it makes you feel almost invisible at times, or like you're trying too hard to be part of that.
I love being here and getting to do the things that Mike and I never got to do together before or that are done differently here, but it is also a big reminder of just how left out we both feel because we don't have living children yet. I also feel like everyone is watching us and waiting until it happens, I mean it was kinda that way in Vegas, but we weren't around Mike's family as much, so the pressure about it wasn't there like here.
Overall it was a great holiday, but now I'm beginning to feel like Mike and I are living in a fish bowl with this.
We went to my brother, Josh, and SIL, Yvonne's house for BBQ along with my mom (dad had to work), grandma, uncle Lloyd, Yvonne's sister Bobbie, her husband, Yvonne's dad, Yvonne's cousin, Malissa, and her husband Rob, Malissa's dad, Malissa's brother, Dallas, his wife Jen, and their baby Ranson plus my nephews Ash & Jax, Bobbie's kids Ginny and Aiden, and Malissa's kids Tyler and Logen. It was a crazy day.
Mike and I bought Ash and Jax a little inflatable seal that has a built in sprinkler, so all of the kids were running through that, screaming, and in general having a blast. That's when it hit me just how left out Mike and I were with our angelbabies. It was sitting there watching them and trying to imagine what it would be like if our 4 year old and almost 3 year old were out there with those kids, that did it. We were the only people there at this age who don't have kids and it makes you feel almost invisible at times, or like you're trying too hard to be part of that.
I love being here and getting to do the things that Mike and I never got to do together before or that are done differently here, but it is also a big reminder of just how left out we both feel because we don't have living children yet. I also feel like everyone is watching us and waiting until it happens, I mean it was kinda that way in Vegas, but we weren't around Mike's family as much, so the pressure about it wasn't there like here.
Overall it was a great holiday, but now I'm beginning to feel like Mike and I are living in a fish bowl with this.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Starting Over....Again
Well, this last week has been a roller coaster of events. We waited almost a month for Mike to start his new job then he got let go on Friday. Both of us were kinda relieved because the job really sucked. He would go in at different times each day, sometimes less than 8 hours after he'd be getting back home, and would never know when he was getting off work. Some days he worked more than 13 hours. Then he got written up because he wasn't working fast enough for the other guys and because on his break he used an internet station at one of the hospitals he was working at, which apparently was a no-no (don't really understand that one if he paid for the internet usage and was on break).
Of course, I realize that Mike isn't the perfect employee because no one is perfect but I guess he didn't realize that the guys he was working with were in such a big hurry to get in and get the job done because he's used to working at the casinos where he had to make the work last his entire shift. He also didn't realize that the guys he worked with weren't there to make friends, so he couldn't get away with goofing off as much. But I'm done with talking about it...Missouri is another state that isn't a Right to Work state so reasons don't matter.
I haven't been getting much work lately, I've actually made less than $200 this month which is an all time low for this year. This precipitated a decision on our part for me to become an AVON rep. I've been thinking about it off and on for awhile but always was a bit scared of doing it because I'm not the best salesperson in the world. So I started 2 days ago and am more than a bit disappointed in my family and friends because I have repeatedly posted on Facebook links to my AVON site and no one has even looked at it.
I still have high hopes for once I get the brochures I ordered but who knows at this point. It's not like we can afford the money we are putting out to do this especially since there's a chance Mike might not be able to claim unemployment now but I had hoped at least a few people would order so that we'd break even or even make a few extra dollars a month.
We are also going to put off TTC for a few months. We don't have any insurance right now and without Mike working or getting an unemployment check there's no way we can afford to get pg. We are hoping Mike can get a job as a fence installer because it pays almost what we were both making when we were working at the casinos, has 401k and health/life insurance. It may be a long shot and he may hate it but it's a good job and doesn't require any experience. I really think this may be his chance to get into a new line of work. He only has experience in one type of work and needs to broaden his range of abilities.
Of course, I realize that Mike isn't the perfect employee because no one is perfect but I guess he didn't realize that the guys he was working with were in such a big hurry to get in and get the job done because he's used to working at the casinos where he had to make the work last his entire shift. He also didn't realize that the guys he worked with weren't there to make friends, so he couldn't get away with goofing off as much. But I'm done with talking about it...Missouri is another state that isn't a Right to Work state so reasons don't matter.
I haven't been getting much work lately, I've actually made less than $200 this month which is an all time low for this year. This precipitated a decision on our part for me to become an AVON rep. I've been thinking about it off and on for awhile but always was a bit scared of doing it because I'm not the best salesperson in the world. So I started 2 days ago and am more than a bit disappointed in my family and friends because I have repeatedly posted on Facebook links to my AVON site and no one has even looked at it.
I still have high hopes for once I get the brochures I ordered but who knows at this point. It's not like we can afford the money we are putting out to do this especially since there's a chance Mike might not be able to claim unemployment now but I had hoped at least a few people would order so that we'd break even or even make a few extra dollars a month.
We are also going to put off TTC for a few months. We don't have any insurance right now and without Mike working or getting an unemployment check there's no way we can afford to get pg. We are hoping Mike can get a job as a fence installer because it pays almost what we were both making when we were working at the casinos, has 401k and health/life insurance. It may be a long shot and he may hate it but it's a good job and doesn't require any experience. I really think this may be his chance to get into a new line of work. He only has experience in one type of work and needs to broaden his range of abilities.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Atkins - Week 2
Week 2 wasn't as good as week 1 on Atkins. I actually had 2 days where I cheated, and it wasn't light cheating, it was more of a I was hungry and we didn't have the money to go to the store, so I ate the high carb that was on hand. I am proud to say that the next day I jumped right back on the 20 net carb bandwagon and stayed on since.
I do love the challenge of this program and trying to figure out how I can eat as much as possible and stick to the 20 net carbs per day. I am just going to have to learn that I can't just eat a big salad per day and that be it on the veggies. I did start incorporating pumpkin into my foods (4 net carbs = 1/2 cup) as well as ground flax seeds (0 net carbs because all the carbs are fiber).
I was a little upset that I only lost 2 pounds this week taking my total up to 9.4lbs in 2 weeks, but I also lost 9 1/2 inches, so that along with those 9.4 pounds lost reminds me that this is worth doing. I have noticed that on the days that I'm on program and haven't cheated that I don't feel hungry and have no desire to cheat. I realize that after two weeks of looking back at this journey that I have to make sure that there is enough fresh/frozen veggies in the house for me each day or I will fail.
Another thing I worry about with this is that I'm not getting enough calories in per day if I eat a few higher carb things because no matter how low carb you eat, your body does need so many calories each day to function. But that's part of the challenge that I like with this way of eating.
I have started doing a low carb protein shake made with unsweetened almond milk for breakfast, some days with pumpkin to get a veggie in for breakfast. I also have started doing something that I remembered doing for the South Beach Diet. In the SBD they recommend eating ricotta cheese with cinnamon, lemon, or lime and splenda. So, what I started doing as a dessert is 1/4 cup ricotta whole milk cheese with a tsp of sugar free jello mix or 1/4 cup pumpkin with pumpkin pie spice and splenda. It is just like flavored cheesecake and with the SF jello it's 3 net carbs, with the pumpkin it's 5 net carbs.
I'm ready for a week of no cheating and more consistent exercise.
I do love the challenge of this program and trying to figure out how I can eat as much as possible and stick to the 20 net carbs per day. I am just going to have to learn that I can't just eat a big salad per day and that be it on the veggies. I did start incorporating pumpkin into my foods (4 net carbs = 1/2 cup) as well as ground flax seeds (0 net carbs because all the carbs are fiber).
I was a little upset that I only lost 2 pounds this week taking my total up to 9.4lbs in 2 weeks, but I also lost 9 1/2 inches, so that along with those 9.4 pounds lost reminds me that this is worth doing. I have noticed that on the days that I'm on program and haven't cheated that I don't feel hungry and have no desire to cheat. I realize that after two weeks of looking back at this journey that I have to make sure that there is enough fresh/frozen veggies in the house for me each day or I will fail.
Another thing I worry about with this is that I'm not getting enough calories in per day if I eat a few higher carb things because no matter how low carb you eat, your body does need so many calories each day to function. But that's part of the challenge that I like with this way of eating.
I have started doing a low carb protein shake made with unsweetened almond milk for breakfast, some days with pumpkin to get a veggie in for breakfast. I also have started doing something that I remembered doing for the South Beach Diet. In the SBD they recommend eating ricotta cheese with cinnamon, lemon, or lime and splenda. So, what I started doing as a dessert is 1/4 cup ricotta whole milk cheese with a tsp of sugar free jello mix or 1/4 cup pumpkin with pumpkin pie spice and splenda. It is just like flavored cheesecake and with the SF jello it's 3 net carbs, with the pumpkin it's 5 net carbs.
I'm ready for a week of no cheating and more consistent exercise.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Week 1 Down
After hearing seeing a commercial about a free start-up kit and about the success of a friend on the Atkins program, I decided to check out the website. I've heard over the last few years that it's a similar weight loss program to what doctors recommend for women with PCOS to lose weight, and after a lot of research my views on Atkins changed. When the low-carb craze began to really take hold again about 8 years ago, I was skeptical because I only knew what bad things I'd heard about it.
I'd heard that you only eat fat-laden meats, tons of cheese, lots of protein, and little to no carbs. Boy, was I misinformed. I realize now after researching the diet that it's the exact same thing as what most popular diet programs try to do, they want to cut out the refined sugar. If you actually find out what the program is all about without just jumping in and only eating meat and cheese, then you'll know that the majority of the 20 net carbs they want you to eat during induction are supposed to be veggies. Yes, you can load up on all the meat and cheese you want because they have very few carbs, but the focus of the plan is really on getting people to eat 12-15 net carbs per day of veggies, which means eating healthy.
I admit, that after years of eating lean protein, I am still trying to get my brain around being able to eat full fat cheese and other dairy products as well as fatty cuts of meat. I am proud to say that I haven't cheated on the plan and had anything with tons of refined sugar. I am definitely a sugarholic but I've fought the cravings for a week and am still going strong. I am also proud to say that in 7 days I've lost 8.6lbs and am very happy with those results. It's also been difficult with Mike and my mom because they are constantly trying to get me to eat candy or something because they "forget" that I'm on 20 net carbs per day.
I also have realized just how much I hate veggies since I started Atkins. There are core veggies that I like (which of course seem to be the highest in net carbs) and others that I can tolerate but just not eat on a regular basis, and some that make me gag even thinking about eating. I've never liked veggies. I am trying to plan better and find more ways to diversify my palate when it comes to veggies. I am determined to get more veggies into my diet because I have noticed the last few days when I wasn't eating hardly any veggies that my weight loss slowed. I understand why but still can't quite make myself eat one more salad.
On the exercise front, Mike and I have been walking at least 3-4 days a week. It's not as much as I'd like but there are days where we just don't seem to have the time or the weather just doesn't allow it. Usually when the weather keeps us in, I try to do a workout video but it doesn't always happen because there are days that I am just not motivated to do it. I know logically the more exercise I can get in each day, the faster the weight will drop off.
I have also experienced a side effect that I wasn't aware of...because of the drastic change in my carb intake, it kind of shocked my thyroid/hormones into a reaction. At first I was a bit concerned because it moved my cycle up by a week, but after some online research I found that this is quite common during induction on Atkins. Now, I don't exactly enjoy this side effect coming up a week early, but I'm looking at it as a positive sign.
I'd heard that you only eat fat-laden meats, tons of cheese, lots of protein, and little to no carbs. Boy, was I misinformed. I realize now after researching the diet that it's the exact same thing as what most popular diet programs try to do, they want to cut out the refined sugar. If you actually find out what the program is all about without just jumping in and only eating meat and cheese, then you'll know that the majority of the 20 net carbs they want you to eat during induction are supposed to be veggies. Yes, you can load up on all the meat and cheese you want because they have very few carbs, but the focus of the plan is really on getting people to eat 12-15 net carbs per day of veggies, which means eating healthy.
I admit, that after years of eating lean protein, I am still trying to get my brain around being able to eat full fat cheese and other dairy products as well as fatty cuts of meat. I am proud to say that I haven't cheated on the plan and had anything with tons of refined sugar. I am definitely a sugarholic but I've fought the cravings for a week and am still going strong. I am also proud to say that in 7 days I've lost 8.6lbs and am very happy with those results. It's also been difficult with Mike and my mom because they are constantly trying to get me to eat candy or something because they "forget" that I'm on 20 net carbs per day.
I also have realized just how much I hate veggies since I started Atkins. There are core veggies that I like (which of course seem to be the highest in net carbs) and others that I can tolerate but just not eat on a regular basis, and some that make me gag even thinking about eating. I've never liked veggies. I am trying to plan better and find more ways to diversify my palate when it comes to veggies. I am determined to get more veggies into my diet because I have noticed the last few days when I wasn't eating hardly any veggies that my weight loss slowed. I understand why but still can't quite make myself eat one more salad.
On the exercise front, Mike and I have been walking at least 3-4 days a week. It's not as much as I'd like but there are days where we just don't seem to have the time or the weather just doesn't allow it. Usually when the weather keeps us in, I try to do a workout video but it doesn't always happen because there are days that I am just not motivated to do it. I know logically the more exercise I can get in each day, the faster the weight will drop off.
I have also experienced a side effect that I wasn't aware of...because of the drastic change in my carb intake, it kind of shocked my thyroid/hormones into a reaction. At first I was a bit concerned because it moved my cycle up by a week, but after some online research I found that this is quite common during induction on Atkins. Now, I don't exactly enjoy this side effect coming up a week early, but I'm looking at it as a positive sign.
Friday, April 29, 2011
We Have Arrived!!!
I know I'm a week late in posting this but I just now got a wifi router so I could use internet on my laptop. We left earlier than expected on April 21st, partly because neither of us could sleep and partly because we only had 2 hours between when we finished loading the car and when we were supposed to be up and ready to go. We'd planned to leave at 4am but instead left my sister & BIL's apartment at 2am and left the gas station after topping off our tank at 2:30am.
We had a short stop in Boulder City because Mike forgot he's an adult (he knows I'm kidding) and didn't go to the bathroom before we left. Our first gas stop of the day was a little before Kingman, AZ and it was a freezing cold, windy welcome. We had to dig out sweatshirts because we didn't even consider that the weather might be like 55 degrees there. We stopped about 3 more times for gas and to take our furbaby Ruby out to stretch her legs.
We got to Amarillo, TX a little later than we expected at almost 7:30pm. We checked into the motel, showered, then got something to eat and were in bed by 9:30pm central time. We woke up at about 1:15am and decided rather than waiting for the complimentary breakfast at 6am that we'd just head out again. It was cool and sprinkling rain but by the time we got gas and got out of Amarillo it had stopped. Then, when we hit the Oklahoma border we hit about 100 miles of dense fog.
Mike decided to drive most of the way that day though we got to Vinidy, OK and he needed a break because he was tired, so I took over for about an hour before we hit Missouri and then I could barely keep my eyes open. We decided to stop for lunch hoping it would wake us up, and it did. Mike finished driving the rest of the way and we arrived in Smithton at my brother's house just in time for the tornado warnings. Poor Ruby didn't know what to think because she got chained up in the yard first then put in my brother's utility room while we went to the storm shelter where we stayed for about 2 hours.
I do have to say that Ruby did much better than we expected. Normally, when we took her in the car before she whined the entire time but she just sat there staring out the window at the scenery and didn't whine unless she had to go to the bathroom.
We are relieved to be here and that the move is finally over. Now the job hunt for Mike begins and he already has a phone interview set up for the 3rd of May with SMS Children's Hospital. Hopefully, he'll get a few more set up once we update the address on his applications with a few places.
We had a short stop in Boulder City because Mike forgot he's an adult (he knows I'm kidding) and didn't go to the bathroom before we left. Our first gas stop of the day was a little before Kingman, AZ and it was a freezing cold, windy welcome. We had to dig out sweatshirts because we didn't even consider that the weather might be like 55 degrees there. We stopped about 3 more times for gas and to take our furbaby Ruby out to stretch her legs.
We got to Amarillo, TX a little later than we expected at almost 7:30pm. We checked into the motel, showered, then got something to eat and were in bed by 9:30pm central time. We woke up at about 1:15am and decided rather than waiting for the complimentary breakfast at 6am that we'd just head out again. It was cool and sprinkling rain but by the time we got gas and got out of Amarillo it had stopped. Then, when we hit the Oklahoma border we hit about 100 miles of dense fog.
Mike decided to drive most of the way that day though we got to Vinidy, OK and he needed a break because he was tired, so I took over for about an hour before we hit Missouri and then I could barely keep my eyes open. We decided to stop for lunch hoping it would wake us up, and it did. Mike finished driving the rest of the way and we arrived in Smithton at my brother's house just in time for the tornado warnings. Poor Ruby didn't know what to think because she got chained up in the yard first then put in my brother's utility room while we went to the storm shelter where we stayed for about 2 hours.
I do have to say that Ruby did much better than we expected. Normally, when we took her in the car before she whined the entire time but she just sat there staring out the window at the scenery and didn't whine unless she had to go to the bathroom.
We are relieved to be here and that the move is finally over. Now the job hunt for Mike begins and he already has a phone interview set up for the 3rd of May with SMS Children's Hospital. Hopefully, he'll get a few more set up once we update the address on his applications with a few places.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A Week and a Half To Go!!!
First, I have to vent a little. I understand why family doesn't want us to go and that they aren't going to be shy about letting us know their feelings on it. I think Mike's mom was trying to manipulate us into staying by FINALLY giving us a little bit of information on his real dad's family when we went for a visit two weeks ago. Mike hadn't seen his real dad since he was 3 years old though he talked to him twice since then (he's almost 28 now).
I think she was hoping that if we found his dad's family, we wouldn't leave since we'd just met them and had so much time to catch up on with them. I hate to point out the obvious, but family is family whether they are near or far. Family is supposed to want their loved ones to be happy even if that means they aren't in the same city. I will say this plainly: Mike and I are not happy in Las Vegas and have not been happy living here for a very long time. Why should we live somewhere we are miserable just to make our family happy?
Second, though Mike wasn't sure about it, I contacted his cousin, Mari, and we arranged to surprise that side of the family at her daughter's birthday party. Mike knew he had a half-sister, Christina, but also discovered he has another sister, Judy, while we were there. There was some disappointment though because Mike was kind of hoping he'd get to get in contact with his dad, and his cousin and one of his many aunts told us his dad had died from a heart attack in July last year. It was a little overwhelming to say the least because they are all fluent in English and Spanish and expected him to be, too, but he only speaks English. That and the fact that there were about 50 family members there, and we still can't remember all their names.
I told his sister at the party that I was happy he finally got to know that side because I know he really wanted to find them but he's the kind that unless the information is volunteered by his mom, he's not going to risk possibly making her angry by asking. The other thing was that he seemed so much a part of them while his other dad's family obviously loves him but he always seems separate from them whenever they get together.
Third and last, we are getting our room organized and ready to move. I haven't been working as much as I should, but we've been saving everything I earn for our move for extra spending money. We are going to be so busy getting ready to move, looking for a job for Mike, and me working to be sure we have enough money to make the move over the next week I don't know when we are going to sleep. Plus, we have plans with his aunt and cousins as well as his Rideout sisters this Saturday...it's beginning to become so real.
Don't know when I'm going to have a chance to update this again, so keep us in your prayers that we have a safe trip across the country. We are hoping that this move will provide us with new opportunities that we aren't able to get in Vegas. We are hoping that this move will also help us get back on our feet and maybe give us a jump on starting our family.
I think she was hoping that if we found his dad's family, we wouldn't leave since we'd just met them and had so much time to catch up on with them. I hate to point out the obvious, but family is family whether they are near or far. Family is supposed to want their loved ones to be happy even if that means they aren't in the same city. I will say this plainly: Mike and I are not happy in Las Vegas and have not been happy living here for a very long time. Why should we live somewhere we are miserable just to make our family happy?
Second, though Mike wasn't sure about it, I contacted his cousin, Mari, and we arranged to surprise that side of the family at her daughter's birthday party. Mike knew he had a half-sister, Christina, but also discovered he has another sister, Judy, while we were there. There was some disappointment though because Mike was kind of hoping he'd get to get in contact with his dad, and his cousin and one of his many aunts told us his dad had died from a heart attack in July last year. It was a little overwhelming to say the least because they are all fluent in English and Spanish and expected him to be, too, but he only speaks English. That and the fact that there were about 50 family members there, and we still can't remember all their names.
I told his sister at the party that I was happy he finally got to know that side because I know he really wanted to find them but he's the kind that unless the information is volunteered by his mom, he's not going to risk possibly making her angry by asking. The other thing was that he seemed so much a part of them while his other dad's family obviously loves him but he always seems separate from them whenever they get together.
Third and last, we are getting our room organized and ready to move. I haven't been working as much as I should, but we've been saving everything I earn for our move for extra spending money. We are going to be so busy getting ready to move, looking for a job for Mike, and me working to be sure we have enough money to make the move over the next week I don't know when we are going to sleep. Plus, we have plans with his aunt and cousins as well as his Rideout sisters this Saturday...it's beginning to become so real.
Don't know when I'm going to have a chance to update this again, so keep us in your prayers that we have a safe trip across the country. We are hoping that this move will provide us with new opportunities that we aren't able to get in Vegas. We are hoping that this move will also help us get back on our feet and maybe give us a jump on starting our family.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
One Month to Go
This week hasn't been the best but not the worst either. Nothing really happened, it's just been more or less boring. I guess I'm anxious to get this move and everything behind us.
We did hear from the hospital again in Omaha, so Mike is going to call tomorrow and hopefully get some answers. I told him that if they called after 2 weeks (since the first call), they probably really are interested in him. He has me worried a bit because he seems so despondent about the possibility of moving to Omaha. He knows that we have to go where he's going to have a job, but he just doesn't like the idea of Omaha at all. He's hoping that we are moving back to my hometown instead because he knows there are things that he wants to do there, and we have no clue what would be awaiting us in Omaha.
Neither of us are really excited about Omaha, but I'm looking at it as, if it's where we are meant to be then that's where it will be. I'm not exactly excited about moving home, either, mostly because I don't feel like that's home anymore and feel like somewhere else between here and there is going to be the home we've been looking for.
I did have a strange dream the other day. I dreamed that we were moving into my great grandma's old house. A cousin bought the house shortly before my great grandma died but it's been sold, and I haven't been to her house for years. I was looking at houses on Craigslist the next day and one of the houses I looked at was almost the mirror image of her house except it didn't have a garage. Kinda creepy and maybe prophetic.
On the weight loss front, this week was a bust...I have the feeling it's because I've been off the NPC for 2 weeks. While I was using it for 21 days each cycle, I was having consistent weight loss, and now that I changed it to the last 14 days of the cycle, I start gaining again. I'm sure there are other factors involved but we'll see next weigh in.
We did hear from the hospital again in Omaha, so Mike is going to call tomorrow and hopefully get some answers. I told him that if they called after 2 weeks (since the first call), they probably really are interested in him. He has me worried a bit because he seems so despondent about the possibility of moving to Omaha. He knows that we have to go where he's going to have a job, but he just doesn't like the idea of Omaha at all. He's hoping that we are moving back to my hometown instead because he knows there are things that he wants to do there, and we have no clue what would be awaiting us in Omaha.
Neither of us are really excited about Omaha, but I'm looking at it as, if it's where we are meant to be then that's where it will be. I'm not exactly excited about moving home, either, mostly because I don't feel like that's home anymore and feel like somewhere else between here and there is going to be the home we've been looking for.
I did have a strange dream the other day. I dreamed that we were moving into my great grandma's old house. A cousin bought the house shortly before my great grandma died but it's been sold, and I haven't been to her house for years. I was looking at houses on Craigslist the next day and one of the houses I looked at was almost the mirror image of her house except it didn't have a garage. Kinda creepy and maybe prophetic.
On the weight loss front, this week was a bust...I have the feeling it's because I've been off the NPC for 2 weeks. While I was using it for 21 days each cycle, I was having consistent weight loss, and now that I changed it to the last 14 days of the cycle, I start gaining again. I'm sure there are other factors involved but we'll see next weigh in.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Official Moving Date
It's official, we are moving on April 20th, the Thursday before Easter. We talked to Mike's parents this afternoon and told them we were moving. They took it a lot better than we were expecting. So, it is officially a countdown to our move.
I know that day is going to be hard for Mike because he's only ever been away from his family once and that was for JobCorps up in Reno. I think once we are officially on our way, he's going to be even more excited than he is now.
On the plus side...I weighed in 2 days earlier than usual and have lost 2 pounds this week. I think the combo of progesterone cream and acknowledging and meditating my stress away is really what's doing it.
Now, we have to get a bigger storage unit, move almost all of our stuff into it and it's going to stay here for a year until we come back next year to visit his family with my parents and then we are going to get a uhaul truck and drive it back to wherever we are living then.
We also have been talking about what we are going to do for Mike's work. We are thinking about starting a green home deep-cleaning business for him. There are some maid services and some carpet/floor cleaning businesses but not any that combine the two in the area. I know enough people there that we can probably get some business just through word of mouth and with the 2 of us doing it. We would both probably have to work for the business until we find out where it's going or if it's going anywhere, but that's doable. We just would have to come up with the money for the business licenses and equipment.
At least with our own business, if it's even moderately successful, then we don't have to worry about Mike having work and I can still do my freelancing there, so we'll have money coming in.
I know that day is going to be hard for Mike because he's only ever been away from his family once and that was for JobCorps up in Reno. I think once we are officially on our way, he's going to be even more excited than he is now.
On the plus side...I weighed in 2 days earlier than usual and have lost 2 pounds this week. I think the combo of progesterone cream and acknowledging and meditating my stress away is really what's doing it.
Now, we have to get a bigger storage unit, move almost all of our stuff into it and it's going to stay here for a year until we come back next year to visit his family with my parents and then we are going to get a uhaul truck and drive it back to wherever we are living then.
We also have been talking about what we are going to do for Mike's work. We are thinking about starting a green home deep-cleaning business for him. There are some maid services and some carpet/floor cleaning businesses but not any that combine the two in the area. I know enough people there that we can probably get some business just through word of mouth and with the 2 of us doing it. We would both probably have to work for the business until we find out where it's going or if it's going anywhere, but that's doable. We just would have to come up with the money for the business licenses and equipment.
At least with our own business, if it's even moderately successful, then we don't have to worry about Mike having work and I can still do my freelancing there, so we'll have money coming in.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Weekly Update 3/5/11
Okay, a few things happened this week that are very promising. We bought a car, a 1995 volvo 960. It's used but for the price and quality, we couldn't turn it down because even the purchase price and minor things that have to be fixed before we can license it aren't going to cost more than the $2000 we budgeted for buying a car.
The second thing is that my fertility shutdown is going very well, but because of our financial situation, I am only going to do it for 2 cycles instead of 3. So, beginning the next cycle, I'm only going to be doing the progesterone cream from CD14-CD27. I have noticed a lot of positive changes with it, one of those being that I am recognizing when I am stressed and am taking time to meditate the stress away instead of bottling it inside.
The last is that, despite not really following any eating program and only eating when I'm hungry, I've managed to lose weight the last two weeks. I attribute this partly to the progesterone cream because it's fighting the estrogen dominance which makes the weight creep up or just stubbornly stay on. Progesterone also helps women lose weight, that's why a lot of plus size women lose weight when they get pg if they were estrogen dominant before pg.
The second thing is that my fertility shutdown is going very well, but because of our financial situation, I am only going to do it for 2 cycles instead of 3. So, beginning the next cycle, I'm only going to be doing the progesterone cream from CD14-CD27. I have noticed a lot of positive changes with it, one of those being that I am recognizing when I am stressed and am taking time to meditate the stress away instead of bottling it inside.
The last is that, despite not really following any eating program and only eating when I'm hungry, I've managed to lose weight the last two weeks. I attribute this partly to the progesterone cream because it's fighting the estrogen dominance which makes the weight creep up or just stubbornly stay on. Progesterone also helps women lose weight, that's why a lot of plus size women lose weight when they get pg if they were estrogen dominant before pg.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
A Brand New Life
I know I've been going on and on about how much we want to move out of Vegas and how we can't wait to do it. We both have an idealized outlook on how we want our lives to be and it's just not possible in Vegas. The problem is, we aren't too sure that it's possible in Illinois where my family is either.
What we really want is to have a place that is ours. Not necessarily that we don't have a support system there but that they aren't as demanding of our time and as critical of our choices. We want to be able to make our decisions and not have someone there telling us we're making a mistake before we have a chance to really make a decision. Sounding boards are fine but trying to make yourself so important in the decision making process that we can't make a decision without having to hear unnecessary opinions is far from what we need.
Basically, what it comes down to is both Mike and I dislike being dictated to, being told what we can and can't do, what we can and can't spend our money on, and always being asked where we are going when we go somewhere. We are adults, not teenagers. We are married, not sneaking around. We have made our own financial and life decisions together for years and don't need the interference of others who so generously think we need their opinions to make the right decisions.
We both love our families but they are always in the forefront of things and have high expectations that have no basis on what we want. I moved to Vegas because I felt burdened by the expectations of my family. They didn't want for me what I wanted, and here it's the same for Mike. When his family does get involved in our day-to-day life, their expectations for us aren't what we want. I don't see how my family will be able to understand why I love my job because my mom already believes that my job is unstable and temporary even though I've done this for over 2 years. I can see them pushing Mike in the wrong way to be out looking for a job. They don't know what motivates him because they don't really know him, so they need to leave that up to the 2 of us.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm looking at this move as a way to start a brand new life together away from the influences and bad advice. We need to live somewhere neutral, so that it doesn't appear we are choosing one family over the other and so that we don't have to deal with interference. I want to live somewhere that is about halfway between both families so that it's not so far to get to either of them and they can't just show up.
I want to live somewhere where we can be confident we made the right decision and have no one telling us what we are doing is wrong. We have certain ideals that we want to live by and definitely can't do it in Vegas, and it trying to live that way when it's a way of life your family doesn't understand just makes it that much more difficult when they are in close proximity. For instance, we have done a lot of research on parenting, pregnancy, and childbirth and want to practice peaceful parenting. Many of the practices involved in peaceful parenting, neither of our families understand nor would be supportive of. Exclusive breastfeeding, elimination communication instead of diapers, lotus births, not circumcising any sons we might have...even trying to explain the choices and the reasoning behind them causes arguments.
When it comes right down to it, Mike and I are very simple people. We crave a simple, low key lifestyle. Money doesn't motivate us, I won't say we don't need it, but we aren't a couple who can be bought for the highest dollar. We want wide open spaces, fresh air, and to see the changes the four seasons bring each year. I guess you could say, the lifestyle that would fit us best is a natural lifestyle. We want things that most people don't consider mainstream because of modern technology.
We want to buy about 10 or so acres of land somewhere and build an underground house. I don't mean dirt floors and walls, and bugs everywhere. I mean, digging 14 ft down and about 1200 sq ft, and shoring it up and waterproofing it the same way you would a basement. It would have above ground windows in every room, a wood-burning fireplace, wind & solar power, and a well tapped to provide water.
It sounds far-fetched and idealistic to say the least, but by utilizing natural energy and water sources we would save money on that and by living 6 or more feet underground, the house would maintain the same temperature as the earth, which is about 55 to 60 degrees year around. Yes, that's cold, so even during the summer using the fireplaces for heat would be necessary. During the winter, it would be cold yes, but unlike a house on top of land that has to be kept warm because it constantly cools to the outside temperature, an underground house is insulated by the earth, so the temperature remains constant even with heat from a fireplace or wood stove.
We want to have an organic greenhouse too, so we can grow our own fruits and vegetables. The problem with all of this is that this is our dream, not reality. This dream will probably never come true because we will probably never have the money to do it, but this is the kind of lifestyle we want. It would be a brand new life and a way of life we would both be proud to raise our future children in.
I'm also going to say something about what I want to do with the rest of my life. For so long I've wanted to be a writer, and do consider myself to be one, but I want more. I want to educate women on the choices they have before, during, and after pregnancy. After Mike gets a new job, and we can afford it, I am going to start taking classes on becoming a midwife and doula. I don't so much want to deliver babies as I want to educate parents and provide a safe haven for women like myself who are TTC or pregnant and have been lectured repeatedly about their weight by doctors. I want to open a conception to post partum education center for parents-to-be, so they can raise their babies in a way they decide is best, not in the way they've seen others do because they don't know there are other options.
What we really want is to have a place that is ours. Not necessarily that we don't have a support system there but that they aren't as demanding of our time and as critical of our choices. We want to be able to make our decisions and not have someone there telling us we're making a mistake before we have a chance to really make a decision. Sounding boards are fine but trying to make yourself so important in the decision making process that we can't make a decision without having to hear unnecessary opinions is far from what we need.
Basically, what it comes down to is both Mike and I dislike being dictated to, being told what we can and can't do, what we can and can't spend our money on, and always being asked where we are going when we go somewhere. We are adults, not teenagers. We are married, not sneaking around. We have made our own financial and life decisions together for years and don't need the interference of others who so generously think we need their opinions to make the right decisions.
We both love our families but they are always in the forefront of things and have high expectations that have no basis on what we want. I moved to Vegas because I felt burdened by the expectations of my family. They didn't want for me what I wanted, and here it's the same for Mike. When his family does get involved in our day-to-day life, their expectations for us aren't what we want. I don't see how my family will be able to understand why I love my job because my mom already believes that my job is unstable and temporary even though I've done this for over 2 years. I can see them pushing Mike in the wrong way to be out looking for a job. They don't know what motivates him because they don't really know him, so they need to leave that up to the 2 of us.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm looking at this move as a way to start a brand new life together away from the influences and bad advice. We need to live somewhere neutral, so that it doesn't appear we are choosing one family over the other and so that we don't have to deal with interference. I want to live somewhere that is about halfway between both families so that it's not so far to get to either of them and they can't just show up.
I want to live somewhere where we can be confident we made the right decision and have no one telling us what we are doing is wrong. We have certain ideals that we want to live by and definitely can't do it in Vegas, and it trying to live that way when it's a way of life your family doesn't understand just makes it that much more difficult when they are in close proximity. For instance, we have done a lot of research on parenting, pregnancy, and childbirth and want to practice peaceful parenting. Many of the practices involved in peaceful parenting, neither of our families understand nor would be supportive of. Exclusive breastfeeding, elimination communication instead of diapers, lotus births, not circumcising any sons we might have...even trying to explain the choices and the reasoning behind them causes arguments.
When it comes right down to it, Mike and I are very simple people. We crave a simple, low key lifestyle. Money doesn't motivate us, I won't say we don't need it, but we aren't a couple who can be bought for the highest dollar. We want wide open spaces, fresh air, and to see the changes the four seasons bring each year. I guess you could say, the lifestyle that would fit us best is a natural lifestyle. We want things that most people don't consider mainstream because of modern technology.
We want to buy about 10 or so acres of land somewhere and build an underground house. I don't mean dirt floors and walls, and bugs everywhere. I mean, digging 14 ft down and about 1200 sq ft, and shoring it up and waterproofing it the same way you would a basement. It would have above ground windows in every room, a wood-burning fireplace, wind & solar power, and a well tapped to provide water.
It sounds far-fetched and idealistic to say the least, but by utilizing natural energy and water sources we would save money on that and by living 6 or more feet underground, the house would maintain the same temperature as the earth, which is about 55 to 60 degrees year around. Yes, that's cold, so even during the summer using the fireplaces for heat would be necessary. During the winter, it would be cold yes, but unlike a house on top of land that has to be kept warm because it constantly cools to the outside temperature, an underground house is insulated by the earth, so the temperature remains constant even with heat from a fireplace or wood stove.
We want to have an organic greenhouse too, so we can grow our own fruits and vegetables. The problem with all of this is that this is our dream, not reality. This dream will probably never come true because we will probably never have the money to do it, but this is the kind of lifestyle we want. It would be a brand new life and a way of life we would both be proud to raise our future children in.
I'm also going to say something about what I want to do with the rest of my life. For so long I've wanted to be a writer, and do consider myself to be one, but I want more. I want to educate women on the choices they have before, during, and after pregnancy. After Mike gets a new job, and we can afford it, I am going to start taking classes on becoming a midwife and doula. I don't so much want to deliver babies as I want to educate parents and provide a safe haven for women like myself who are TTC or pregnant and have been lectured repeatedly about their weight by doctors. I want to open a conception to post partum education center for parents-to-be, so they can raise their babies in a way they decide is best, not in the way they've seen others do because they don't know there are other options.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Time Out
Ok, I am usually the last person that admits to being stressed and that's an issue for me. I can usually adapt to most situations pretty well but that doesn't mean it doesn't cause any stress. I try to be optimistic because there are really very few things we can actually control in this life, so going with the flow rather than fighting it seems to be the right thing to do. I do, however, feel like I need a time out or a vacation, or something.
It is very stressful living with people you don't like. I love my sister, but don't always like her. They are 100% different from me and Mike, and expect people to just go along with whatever they say/want instead of having their own opinions/thoughts. More and more, I want to just up and move without waiting out the time period we've given ourselves. They keep trying to throw obstacles at us in regards to us moving out of Vegas. I honestly think they might be jealous that we are working harder than they are to make this move work out in the best way possible as early as possible.
We got married while both of us were unemployed. We'd been planning our wedding for months and couldn't just cancel it because the casino we'd worked for decided to go out of business. It was a challenge but we pulled through it together. I got a job about a month and a half after Westward Ho closed but it took Mike over a year to finally get the job at the Imperial Palace. He worked at other jobs throughout that year, and we wouldn't have started ttc or gotten pg if he hadn't been working, but those jobs didn't work out. The thing about Mike is he's a very loyal, hard-working employee and once he's working somewhere he doesn't plan on leaving, so that year was very hard for both of us especially when we found out Nora was dying.
The problem during that year was that Mike was used to people coming after him offering jobs once he'd applied so he wasn't used to actually having to hunt for a job and because I was working at a new job, I didn't really have much time to help him look either. So, he put out very few applications and had one temp job at the convention center and two jobs during that year that were both duds before he got the job at the IP. Everyone we know were very critical of him during that time because I was supporting us, though we didn't look at it that way. We hated always hearing that he wasn't trying hard enough or looking in the right places. It was worse after I got pg too.
The difference this time is that he's put out more applications in the last 2 weeks than he did probably that entire year, and those are to locations throughout the middle part of the country. We are both really resistant to having to move back with my parents because the more we talk about it with them, the more it seems like we are going to be in their way even if we are paying rent and such. So far we've put out about 2 dozen applications in Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, and 1 in Vegas. The hard part is, there really is very little available for him in the area where my family lives, but everywhere else there's jobs out the yingyang.
So, I think I'm taking a time out from the stress and am going to try to become more zen-like. Things are going very well otherwise and I'm anxious to see if my first real week back on the WW without the watchers has been successful. I haven't really exercised much because my neck and shoulder have been bothering me so much in addition to trying to get my work done and help Mike put out applications. Please keep your fingers crossed that we are heading down the right path with this.
It is very stressful living with people you don't like. I love my sister, but don't always like her. They are 100% different from me and Mike, and expect people to just go along with whatever they say/want instead of having their own opinions/thoughts. More and more, I want to just up and move without waiting out the time period we've given ourselves. They keep trying to throw obstacles at us in regards to us moving out of Vegas. I honestly think they might be jealous that we are working harder than they are to make this move work out in the best way possible as early as possible.
We got married while both of us were unemployed. We'd been planning our wedding for months and couldn't just cancel it because the casino we'd worked for decided to go out of business. It was a challenge but we pulled through it together. I got a job about a month and a half after Westward Ho closed but it took Mike over a year to finally get the job at the Imperial Palace. He worked at other jobs throughout that year, and we wouldn't have started ttc or gotten pg if he hadn't been working, but those jobs didn't work out. The thing about Mike is he's a very loyal, hard-working employee and once he's working somewhere he doesn't plan on leaving, so that year was very hard for both of us especially when we found out Nora was dying.
The problem during that year was that Mike was used to people coming after him offering jobs once he'd applied so he wasn't used to actually having to hunt for a job and because I was working at a new job, I didn't really have much time to help him look either. So, he put out very few applications and had one temp job at the convention center and two jobs during that year that were both duds before he got the job at the IP. Everyone we know were very critical of him during that time because I was supporting us, though we didn't look at it that way. We hated always hearing that he wasn't trying hard enough or looking in the right places. It was worse after I got pg too.
The difference this time is that he's put out more applications in the last 2 weeks than he did probably that entire year, and those are to locations throughout the middle part of the country. We are both really resistant to having to move back with my parents because the more we talk about it with them, the more it seems like we are going to be in their way even if we are paying rent and such. So far we've put out about 2 dozen applications in Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, and 1 in Vegas. The hard part is, there really is very little available for him in the area where my family lives, but everywhere else there's jobs out the yingyang.
So, I think I'm taking a time out from the stress and am going to try to become more zen-like. Things are going very well otherwise and I'm anxious to see if my first real week back on the WW without the watchers has been successful. I haven't really exercised much because my neck and shoulder have been bothering me so much in addition to trying to get my work done and help Mike put out applications. Please keep your fingers crossed that we are heading down the right path with this.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Progesterone Cream Testimonial
I know, I know, I already posted today but I have to post a testimonial to the progesterone cream shutdown I've been doing. At first I was skeptical about it actually working because, frankly, why would an OTC cream work when pharmacy meds haven't.
The first cycle that I did the USP progesterone cream shutdown only lasted 19 days, which is very short for me, and I didn't O during that time. At first, I was a little worried about it because that was such a short time between, but in my research on this, I've found that it's actually quite common for the 1st cycle on the PC to be very short. Despite that, I did increase my dosage to 1tsp a day instead of the 1/2tsp during the 1st cycle. Even though I was disappointed in having such a short cycle, I am thrilled that my body finally started a normal cycle on its own with only the PC to help.
I'm 10 days into my 2nd cycle, and though I haven't been following the program strictly, like going strictly organic and eating as healthy as possible, I can tell it's working. In my reading, they say once you apply the PC you should feel an instant almost tingling rush from the site that you applied it. Basically, this is caused by the influx of hormones entering your system and when you have low progesterone levels it's considered a "feel good" hormone. I didn't pay much attention before when I was putting it on, but since we've moved, I put it on when it's quiet, like in the morning right after I get up and right before we go to bed, and I've noticed that little rush when there aren't as many things calling for my attention.
I am very hopeful for this. I know I have to work on other things as well, but I am loving the effects of the PC so far. I have noticed since I started using it that I don't lose as much hair when I wash it, my hair is shinier, my skin is a little more glowy and has more color to it, I generally remain peppy during the day without as many bad moods, and I sleep much better at night than before. I have stopped the pregnenolone also because I think it wasn't helping and taking it along with the PC may have been the cause of that early cycle. I realized the pregnenolone was too much when I started having trouble sleeping even though I was dead tired...that's a side effect of too much progesterone/other hormones in your system.
So, if you are interested in using PC I recommend Emerita Pro-Gest, but any brand with at least 450mg of pure USP progesterone per ounce of cream and without parabens will work. I get a box of 45 individual packets for $16 including shipping from Amazon.com and am currently using 4 packets per day but you should start with 2 per day either together or separately and only increase it if your cycles remain irregular or if your cycles start early like I mentioned mine did. For the shutdown, I know I've mentioned how it works before, you use the PC from CD5 thru CD26 and repeat for at least one more cycle but for best results another 2 cycles. After that, OR if you don't want to do the shutdown, use each cycle from CD14 thru CD28 (basically 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off). Never use the PC for more than 21 days each cycle. It is safe to use during pg because your body should produce progesterone during that time and the small amount you'll get from the PC isn't going to do anything to harm your pg but don't stop it immediately if you get a BFP because your body might need the boost. IF you get a BFP, you can use less but don't discontinue use completely until at least 12 weeks pg and then begin weaning your body from it but talk to your ob/gyn about discontinuing it first because they might want you to stay on it.
The first cycle that I did the USP progesterone cream shutdown only lasted 19 days, which is very short for me, and I didn't O during that time. At first, I was a little worried about it because that was such a short time between, but in my research on this, I've found that it's actually quite common for the 1st cycle on the PC to be very short. Despite that, I did increase my dosage to 1tsp a day instead of the 1/2tsp during the 1st cycle. Even though I was disappointed in having such a short cycle, I am thrilled that my body finally started a normal cycle on its own with only the PC to help.
I'm 10 days into my 2nd cycle, and though I haven't been following the program strictly, like going strictly organic and eating as healthy as possible, I can tell it's working. In my reading, they say once you apply the PC you should feel an instant almost tingling rush from the site that you applied it. Basically, this is caused by the influx of hormones entering your system and when you have low progesterone levels it's considered a "feel good" hormone. I didn't pay much attention before when I was putting it on, but since we've moved, I put it on when it's quiet, like in the morning right after I get up and right before we go to bed, and I've noticed that little rush when there aren't as many things calling for my attention.
I am very hopeful for this. I know I have to work on other things as well, but I am loving the effects of the PC so far. I have noticed since I started using it that I don't lose as much hair when I wash it, my hair is shinier, my skin is a little more glowy and has more color to it, I generally remain peppy during the day without as many bad moods, and I sleep much better at night than before. I have stopped the pregnenolone also because I think it wasn't helping and taking it along with the PC may have been the cause of that early cycle. I realized the pregnenolone was too much when I started having trouble sleeping even though I was dead tired...that's a side effect of too much progesterone/other hormones in your system.
So, if you are interested in using PC I recommend Emerita Pro-Gest, but any brand with at least 450mg of pure USP progesterone per ounce of cream and without parabens will work. I get a box of 45 individual packets for $16 including shipping from Amazon.com and am currently using 4 packets per day but you should start with 2 per day either together or separately and only increase it if your cycles remain irregular or if your cycles start early like I mentioned mine did. For the shutdown, I know I've mentioned how it works before, you use the PC from CD5 thru CD26 and repeat for at least one more cycle but for best results another 2 cycles. After that, OR if you don't want to do the shutdown, use each cycle from CD14 thru CD28 (basically 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off). Never use the PC for more than 21 days each cycle. It is safe to use during pg because your body should produce progesterone during that time and the small amount you'll get from the PC isn't going to do anything to harm your pg but don't stop it immediately if you get a BFP because your body might need the boost. IF you get a BFP, you can use less but don't discontinue use completely until at least 12 weeks pg and then begin weaning your body from it but talk to your ob/gyn about discontinuing it first because they might want you to stay on it.
Bad Week Continued
Okay, so I know I said it was a bad week and the scale reflected that with a 3.5 pound gain. I'm not surprised but I do know that I need to get my act together and stop using the stress of moving again as an excuse to go off program.
I am still having some trouble with my neck, not so much my shoulder and neck. I don't know what it is, maybe because our bed is softer than the bed at the apartment we had, meaning it conforms better to the body, so my neck isn't as supported with my usual pillow arrangement. I've been making sure my neck is fully supported before going to sleep and it's been reducing the pain to a dull ache.
Now, I have to bitch a bit about living with my sister and BIL. I love them but really can't stand living with them. When we've shared apartments before it's always been all about them (they control the thermostat, they get the master suite but use our bathroom anyways, they never turn the heat on during the winter even when we are freezing, and they bitch non-stop about anything and every little thing our dog might do), and this time we understand they are letting us live with them out of the goodness of their hearts, but it doesn't mean they don't still do things that piss us off.
Our dog is fully house-trained but my sister's 4 dogs tend to do their business in the house if they aren't taken out when they need to go. The last time we lived with them, this practice made our dog forget her house-training and she started to go inside but she hasn't done that since we lived in our house. She's also like any other dog when it comes to going outside, if she sees the other dogs going out, she wants to go too even if she was just out 10 minutes before. BUT if she runs out without a leash on, unlike most other dogs, if you say her name she drops down to the ground and you have to practically pick her up and carry her because she won't move.
My sister sleeps till the very last possible minute on the days she works and as late as possible on her days off, but the problem with that is, either we ignore her dogs begging to go outside when we take ours out or we take them out, which isn't fair to us because they aren't even our dogs. I understand wanting to sleep in on your days off but if you want to have pets you have to take care of them and my sister is the kind that can get up take them out and go back to sleep but she doesn't do that.
The other thing I have to complain about is they are hyper-critical of us spending any money. We are used to making small trips to the store throughout the 2 weeks between Mike's paydays and that's a hard habit to change because we don't usually buy enough food to last us a full 2 weeks when we do big trips to the store anyways. Every time we go the store I feel like we have to make up excuses for it and we shouldn't have to explain our finances to them. Yes, we are living with them because it's less than having to live on our own, but just because Mike is unemployed now that doesn't mean they need to know exactly where every penny we spend goes. They are always yelling at us for leaving a light on somewhere but they don't use CFL bulbs to save on their electricity and they are worse about it than us. They leave a light on in their bedroom all the time, but heaven forbid we make a short trip somewhere during the middle of the night and leave the living room or hallway light on so we can see when we get back because if one of them wake up and see that it's on, we'll get lectured on how they are trying to save money.
We are beginning to despair having to live with them for even 4 months and are really starting to think we should just get out as soon as possible and possibly get a car and a truck instead of just a truck, at least that way we can move much more of our stuff without a moving truck. We probably will be getting rid of our furniture with the exception of the bed and the desk. It's really nice but we just can't afford to move it all and UHaul are a bunch of idiots because they claim both of our debit cards are pre-paid cards not debit cards, so they won't let us rent a truck from them and I'm kind of afraid of having to drive one of those trucks across the country.
I am still having some trouble with my neck, not so much my shoulder and neck. I don't know what it is, maybe because our bed is softer than the bed at the apartment we had, meaning it conforms better to the body, so my neck isn't as supported with my usual pillow arrangement. I've been making sure my neck is fully supported before going to sleep and it's been reducing the pain to a dull ache.
Now, I have to bitch a bit about living with my sister and BIL. I love them but really can't stand living with them. When we've shared apartments before it's always been all about them (they control the thermostat, they get the master suite but use our bathroom anyways, they never turn the heat on during the winter even when we are freezing, and they bitch non-stop about anything and every little thing our dog might do), and this time we understand they are letting us live with them out of the goodness of their hearts, but it doesn't mean they don't still do things that piss us off.
Our dog is fully house-trained but my sister's 4 dogs tend to do their business in the house if they aren't taken out when they need to go. The last time we lived with them, this practice made our dog forget her house-training and she started to go inside but she hasn't done that since we lived in our house. She's also like any other dog when it comes to going outside, if she sees the other dogs going out, she wants to go too even if she was just out 10 minutes before. BUT if she runs out without a leash on, unlike most other dogs, if you say her name she drops down to the ground and you have to practically pick her up and carry her because she won't move.
My sister sleeps till the very last possible minute on the days she works and as late as possible on her days off, but the problem with that is, either we ignore her dogs begging to go outside when we take ours out or we take them out, which isn't fair to us because they aren't even our dogs. I understand wanting to sleep in on your days off but if you want to have pets you have to take care of them and my sister is the kind that can get up take them out and go back to sleep but she doesn't do that.
The other thing I have to complain about is they are hyper-critical of us spending any money. We are used to making small trips to the store throughout the 2 weeks between Mike's paydays and that's a hard habit to change because we don't usually buy enough food to last us a full 2 weeks when we do big trips to the store anyways. Every time we go the store I feel like we have to make up excuses for it and we shouldn't have to explain our finances to them. Yes, we are living with them because it's less than having to live on our own, but just because Mike is unemployed now that doesn't mean they need to know exactly where every penny we spend goes. They are always yelling at us for leaving a light on somewhere but they don't use CFL bulbs to save on their electricity and they are worse about it than us. They leave a light on in their bedroom all the time, but heaven forbid we make a short trip somewhere during the middle of the night and leave the living room or hallway light on so we can see when we get back because if one of them wake up and see that it's on, we'll get lectured on how they are trying to save money.
We are beginning to despair having to live with them for even 4 months and are really starting to think we should just get out as soon as possible and possibly get a car and a truck instead of just a truck, at least that way we can move much more of our stuff without a moving truck. We probably will be getting rid of our furniture with the exception of the bed and the desk. It's really nice but we just can't afford to move it all and UHaul are a bunch of idiots because they claim both of our debit cards are pre-paid cards not debit cards, so they won't let us rent a truck from them and I'm kind of afraid of having to drive one of those trucks across the country.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's Been a Bad Week...
I know I said I was going to be following the WW program and I have been but somehow I find myself cheating at the end of the day. It's that time of day when you're not really hungry but your brain is crying out for a snack.
I won't be surprised if I gain this week...it's been a stressful and not very good eating week. That along with my neck and shoulder starting to hurt, is just making me feel like I want to eat all the time.
On the plus side, Mike is now done with the IP. He picks up his final paycheck on Tuesday. It's not as much as we'd hoped it would be but it's enough to do what we've got to do with it. We are really thinking a lot about moving to Denver. We don't know anyone there but I've been doing research on what areas have the most jobs available and Denver is always popping up on every site I check.
We've been checking out jobs in that area and housing prices. The thing I'm most afraid of is doing a cold move. At least if we move back to Illinois/St. Louis then we know we'll have a place to live even if Mike doesn't get a job right away. The problem with Denver is, like I said, we don't know anyone there and he'd have to have a job before we moved there. Not only that but we wouldn't have any place to live once we get there and that's something that's almost as, if not more, important than him having a job. We could live in an extended stay motel there for awhile, if they have them, but it would be a short term thing.
I really do need an easy button, at least for moving and getting Mike a job. That way I could just push it and he'd have a job, we'd have a nice rental house in a good area, and we wouldn't have to worry about how we are going to move all of our stuff.
I won't be surprised if I gain this week...it's been a stressful and not very good eating week. That along with my neck and shoulder starting to hurt, is just making me feel like I want to eat all the time.
On the plus side, Mike is now done with the IP. He picks up his final paycheck on Tuesday. It's not as much as we'd hoped it would be but it's enough to do what we've got to do with it. We are really thinking a lot about moving to Denver. We don't know anyone there but I've been doing research on what areas have the most jobs available and Denver is always popping up on every site I check.
We've been checking out jobs in that area and housing prices. The thing I'm most afraid of is doing a cold move. At least if we move back to Illinois/St. Louis then we know we'll have a place to live even if Mike doesn't get a job right away. The problem with Denver is, like I said, we don't know anyone there and he'd have to have a job before we moved there. Not only that but we wouldn't have any place to live once we get there and that's something that's almost as, if not more, important than him having a job. We could live in an extended stay motel there for awhile, if they have them, but it would be a short term thing.
I really do need an easy button, at least for moving and getting Mike a job. That way I could just push it and he'd have a job, we'd have a nice rental house in a good area, and we wouldn't have to worry about how we are going to move all of our stuff.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
WW without the Watchers
I'm not going to get the year away from my own scale that I planned on my last birthday since Mike's official last night is tonight. I am going to be doing the WW plan on my own and weighing in each week on my scale, so that means I have to actually know what my weight is. I don't mind that so much...the problem has been that since moving in with my sister and BIL, we haven't been eating as often or as healthy as we should.
I have created my own food log on my desktop and don't close it, so that way it's not as easy to get away with not tracking my points each day. The part that still eludes me is the exercise...I hate exercise. Once I start doing it, I'm fine but actually getting myself to do it is a struggle. It's not even that I don't enjoy exercise, it's the thought of doing it that I don't enjoy. I know that's one of the big reasons why I haven't lost much weight since joining WW in October. I know I need to exercise more but I always use the excuse that I need to lose more weight before I'll feel comfortable exercising.
To be honest, I don't want to move back to Illinois (if we move back there) as big as I am. I know my friends and family will love me for me and not care what size I am, but I am embarrassed by my size. When I moved from Illinois to Vegas, I weighed 100 pounds less than I did when I started WW this time. I've tried to fight the pounds coming on and fought hard to make them come off but not hard enough. I think I was disillusioned the first time I lost weight because it came off so easily, and even though it's not coming off as easily, I still am thinking it should be.
I've got a date with exercise tomorrow morning after I take my sister to work and before I pick Mike up from his official last day at work...so walking DVDs, Just Dance 2, and my other workout DVDs are going to get put to use once again. I'm also going to be firing up my salad days again...wish me luck on doing WW without the watchers.
I have created my own food log on my desktop and don't close it, so that way it's not as easy to get away with not tracking my points each day. The part that still eludes me is the exercise...I hate exercise. Once I start doing it, I'm fine but actually getting myself to do it is a struggle. It's not even that I don't enjoy exercise, it's the thought of doing it that I don't enjoy. I know that's one of the big reasons why I haven't lost much weight since joining WW in October. I know I need to exercise more but I always use the excuse that I need to lose more weight before I'll feel comfortable exercising.
To be honest, I don't want to move back to Illinois (if we move back there) as big as I am. I know my friends and family will love me for me and not care what size I am, but I am embarrassed by my size. When I moved from Illinois to Vegas, I weighed 100 pounds less than I did when I started WW this time. I've tried to fight the pounds coming on and fought hard to make them come off but not hard enough. I think I was disillusioned the first time I lost weight because it came off so easily, and even though it's not coming off as easily, I still am thinking it should be.
I've got a date with exercise tomorrow morning after I take my sister to work and before I pick Mike up from his official last day at work...so walking DVDs, Just Dance 2, and my other workout DVDs are going to get put to use once again. I'm also going to be firing up my salad days again...wish me luck on doing WW without the watchers.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Being Guided
I'm on here now when I should be working because I have to leave very early to go pick up my sister so we can use her car to move. That's right, we are moving much earlier than planned and we aren't moving into our own apartment either. We are moving in with my sister and her husband, again. It's a temporary fix to a situation that is looking like it may just be God guiding us again.
I firmly believe there are times when God has been guiding me. Like moving to Vegas, for example, I believe I was guided here to meet Mike because it wasn't something I would have done normally and I didn't hesitate with making the decision. I believe this is one of those times. We found out a couple days ago that Mike is going to be losing his job on the 15th of February, after 4 years of service, because his property is the only one in the chain in Vegas that is not part of the union, so since they don't have a contract, the company has decided to save money and outsource the job to a company that they don't have to pay as much or provide insurance for.
We have wanted to move out of Vegas for a very long time, in fact, we were planning to move the September after Nora was due but that was before we found out she was sick and it wasn't as important in the scheme of things then. The desire to live somewhere other than Vegas has been strong for quite awhile, and that doesn't necessarily mean the St. Louis area but that's the easiest choice currently because my family and friends are there, so we'll have a lot of support in helping Mike find a job. I can still do my job there, so we're not as concerned about that.
Now to the feeling guided part. There were really 2 things that were keeping us in Vegas: Mike's job and us no longer having a car. In the last 2 days, both of those have been taken care of. We weren't going to just move out of Vegas with the current economy because Mike had a good paying job and it would be stupid to quit without any guarantee of a job wherever we would be moving. We have to file bankruptcy (I know we've been saying it for awhile)as soon as we get our income tax return and Mike is jobless because we really don't have the money to pay those bills now. We are moving in with my sister and her husband for the time being, so we will have a car to use and they have decided they are going to do for us what I have done for them twice, which is buy a car and let us pay it off (yes, we'll have the money to do it).
We both feel like this is God telling us it's time to get out of Vegas and He's giving us a way to do it by taking care of the obstacles we had in front of us. Mike's job has been taken care of, and with his severance, two weeks vacation, pay for his last week and a half, and about $1000 from his 401k, we'll have the money to move out of Vegas, file bankruptcy, and just in case the car thing with my sister and her husband doesn't work out, possibly enough to buy a good but cheap used car. Really the bankruptcy is now crucial because we have to do it before we move and do it fast so we can save the rest of our money to move.
So, more than likely we are going to end up in St. Louis with my family and friends again. We'll be living with my parents until Mike gets a job and we can afford to move into our own place. The cost of living is much much less there, so we can survive on less. We can also still claim his unemployment there, so until he finds a job there we will have that too.
The hard part will be telling his family that we are moving out of Vegas. His parents are the kind that they don't care what is in reality best for us, they care what is best for them which would mean us staying here and being broke/living off people until the economy turns around or Mike finds a job. The problem is that Vegas is quicksand. It may still be a tourist destination but it's not as great a place to find lasting employment anymore and when places are hiring, they are so flooded with applicants there's very little chance of getting a job. It's also very dependent on the casinos to survive, if the casinos go broke, this city will become a ghost town, and that's not a very stable place to work. It hasn't worked throughout US history when people moved someplace and they had only one source of income there that supported all the other businesses, those places eventually became ghost towns. Vegas is washed up and slowly year-by-year sinking until it will eventually become a ghost town with very little to make it thrive.
So, in 11 days Mike and I will be moving onto bigger and better things. We are starting with step 1 today and as soon as there is no danger of more blizzards/inclement weather, we will be packing up and moving out of this sand trap. We have to have faith that God knows what He's doing and is guiding us to the place we need to be. Please, keep us in your prayers and wish us the best of luck because we are taking a big gamble on this and going on blind faith.
I firmly believe there are times when God has been guiding me. Like moving to Vegas, for example, I believe I was guided here to meet Mike because it wasn't something I would have done normally and I didn't hesitate with making the decision. I believe this is one of those times. We found out a couple days ago that Mike is going to be losing his job on the 15th of February, after 4 years of service, because his property is the only one in the chain in Vegas that is not part of the union, so since they don't have a contract, the company has decided to save money and outsource the job to a company that they don't have to pay as much or provide insurance for.
We have wanted to move out of Vegas for a very long time, in fact, we were planning to move the September after Nora was due but that was before we found out she was sick and it wasn't as important in the scheme of things then. The desire to live somewhere other than Vegas has been strong for quite awhile, and that doesn't necessarily mean the St. Louis area but that's the easiest choice currently because my family and friends are there, so we'll have a lot of support in helping Mike find a job. I can still do my job there, so we're not as concerned about that.
Now to the feeling guided part. There were really 2 things that were keeping us in Vegas: Mike's job and us no longer having a car. In the last 2 days, both of those have been taken care of. We weren't going to just move out of Vegas with the current economy because Mike had a good paying job and it would be stupid to quit without any guarantee of a job wherever we would be moving. We have to file bankruptcy (I know we've been saying it for awhile)as soon as we get our income tax return and Mike is jobless because we really don't have the money to pay those bills now. We are moving in with my sister and her husband for the time being, so we will have a car to use and they have decided they are going to do for us what I have done for them twice, which is buy a car and let us pay it off (yes, we'll have the money to do it).
We both feel like this is God telling us it's time to get out of Vegas and He's giving us a way to do it by taking care of the obstacles we had in front of us. Mike's job has been taken care of, and with his severance, two weeks vacation, pay for his last week and a half, and about $1000 from his 401k, we'll have the money to move out of Vegas, file bankruptcy, and just in case the car thing with my sister and her husband doesn't work out, possibly enough to buy a good but cheap used car. Really the bankruptcy is now crucial because we have to do it before we move and do it fast so we can save the rest of our money to move.
So, more than likely we are going to end up in St. Louis with my family and friends again. We'll be living with my parents until Mike gets a job and we can afford to move into our own place. The cost of living is much much less there, so we can survive on less. We can also still claim his unemployment there, so until he finds a job there we will have that too.
The hard part will be telling his family that we are moving out of Vegas. His parents are the kind that they don't care what is in reality best for us, they care what is best for them which would mean us staying here and being broke/living off people until the economy turns around or Mike finds a job. The problem is that Vegas is quicksand. It may still be a tourist destination but it's not as great a place to find lasting employment anymore and when places are hiring, they are so flooded with applicants there's very little chance of getting a job. It's also very dependent on the casinos to survive, if the casinos go broke, this city will become a ghost town, and that's not a very stable place to work. It hasn't worked throughout US history when people moved someplace and they had only one source of income there that supported all the other businesses, those places eventually became ghost towns. Vegas is washed up and slowly year-by-year sinking until it will eventually become a ghost town with very little to make it thrive.
So, in 11 days Mike and I will be moving onto bigger and better things. We are starting with step 1 today and as soon as there is no danger of more blizzards/inclement weather, we will be packing up and moving out of this sand trap. We have to have faith that God knows what He's doing and is guiding us to the place we need to be. Please, keep us in your prayers and wish us the best of luck because we are taking a big gamble on this and going on blind faith.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Faith & Strength
One comment I hear about myself all the time is that people admire how much faith I have in our TTC journey, and they don't see how frustrating it is for me. I heard the same thing after Nora died, that I was so strong and they couldn't understand how I was staying strong during a time like that.
I'll attack the last part first. I didn't feel strong when it happened. I felt shattered and broken. I would cry at the drop of a hat, something I didn't even do when I was pg. I cried myself to sleep at night for months after we lost her. I hated it with every fiber of my being when someone would tell me that I was so strong going through that. I was not STRONG, I was surviving something no parent should have to go through. I felt like I had failed my child even though there was nothing I could have done to change what happened. So, if you know a woman who has lost a child, never ever tell her she's strong because in reality, she's barely holding it together.
As for the faith in the TTC journey, it hasn't always been there. I was raised going to church every Sunday. I went to the same church from the time I was a baby until the Sunday before I moved to Vegas. I always thought I had a strong connection with God and that He was guiding me. Even when I moved to Vegas, I felt like He was guiding me to where I needed to go. When we lost Nora, I held onto my faith but I couldn't go to church without crying, it hurt to hear people singing about how wonderful God was but He didn't help our child. I lost my faith for a long time because I felt betrayed. How could God give us such a promising start and then take it away without us ever getting to know her? I never stopped believing in Him but my faith in Him had shriveled.
It took over 3 years for me to realize that God did what was best for Nora, not what was best for us. It would have been a difficult and painful life for her if she'd survived and He took her to a place where she wouldn't have to go through that. It's a hard lesson to learn that God does what is best for the people involved and it isn't always what they'd like. It can take years to learn it. After all that time, it seems like I feel like a repentant child and am always praying that He let me make up my lack of faith to Him. I rarely go to church now because, in a way, I feel like I don't deserve His forgiveness, but that doesn't mean that I don't still believe and pray.
As for TTC, well, the faith in that is the faith that our lives together would not be complete without children, whether our own or adopted. I will never give up on having the children that we want because that is what we are meant to do. It's hard to see every other woman on the planet, or so it seems, getting pg when we've struggled with it for so long, but just because they are doesn't mean I'm going to just give up.
I look at this as we are never going to have the children we want if we just give up because it's too hard. Nothing in life is easy, and the worthwhile things are never easy to get. When you have to work harder to have a healthy child, you will appreciate it more than someone that didn't have to work for it. You won't love them any more or less than someone who didn't have to work for it, but you will appreciate just how hard the journey was.
I'll attack the last part first. I didn't feel strong when it happened. I felt shattered and broken. I would cry at the drop of a hat, something I didn't even do when I was pg. I cried myself to sleep at night for months after we lost her. I hated it with every fiber of my being when someone would tell me that I was so strong going through that. I was not STRONG, I was surviving something no parent should have to go through. I felt like I had failed my child even though there was nothing I could have done to change what happened. So, if you know a woman who has lost a child, never ever tell her she's strong because in reality, she's barely holding it together.
As for the faith in the TTC journey, it hasn't always been there. I was raised going to church every Sunday. I went to the same church from the time I was a baby until the Sunday before I moved to Vegas. I always thought I had a strong connection with God and that He was guiding me. Even when I moved to Vegas, I felt like He was guiding me to where I needed to go. When we lost Nora, I held onto my faith but I couldn't go to church without crying, it hurt to hear people singing about how wonderful God was but He didn't help our child. I lost my faith for a long time because I felt betrayed. How could God give us such a promising start and then take it away without us ever getting to know her? I never stopped believing in Him but my faith in Him had shriveled.
It took over 3 years for me to realize that God did what was best for Nora, not what was best for us. It would have been a difficult and painful life for her if she'd survived and He took her to a place where she wouldn't have to go through that. It's a hard lesson to learn that God does what is best for the people involved and it isn't always what they'd like. It can take years to learn it. After all that time, it seems like I feel like a repentant child and am always praying that He let me make up my lack of faith to Him. I rarely go to church now because, in a way, I feel like I don't deserve His forgiveness, but that doesn't mean that I don't still believe and pray.
As for TTC, well, the faith in that is the faith that our lives together would not be complete without children, whether our own or adopted. I will never give up on having the children that we want because that is what we are meant to do. It's hard to see every other woman on the planet, or so it seems, getting pg when we've struggled with it for so long, but just because they are doesn't mean I'm going to just give up.
I look at this as we are never going to have the children we want if we just give up because it's too hard. Nothing in life is easy, and the worthwhile things are never easy to get. When you have to work harder to have a healthy child, you will appreciate it more than someone that didn't have to work for it. You won't love them any more or less than someone who didn't have to work for it, but you will appreciate just how hard the journey was.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Every Ounce Helps
Okay, so I've managed to lose 1 pound in 2 weeks...I'm not complaining because every ounce is one step closer to getting healthy...it can be frustrating though. I've been fighting to lose the same 3 pounds for 2 months, and the sad thing is that I lost them already and gained them back.
Today my WW leader told us to set a small goal to get to by the end of June weight-wise. I don't want to set a specific weight but I will say that I want to be at at least 35 pounds down by the end of June, which is 21 pounds from what I have lost this week. I also have to up my activity because I increase it one week then do almost nothing the next, so I have to get more consistent with my exercise.
We found a good way to save money because we've gotten really bad at it. I have a debit card on Mike's account but it's a separate number and we've never used it. To use it we have to transfer money from his card to that one, so we decided to activate it and start saving money on that card by transferring so much each payday to it. We hardly ever think about this card and we agreed we'd only use the money on it for things like moving, furniture, flying back to St. Louis for a visit, and stuff like that.
I'm getting anxious to move and our agreed upon moving date is March 31st-April 1st. We'd like to move sooner but don't want to have to pay a prorated 1st month because we moved in before the beginning of the month. Thankfully, we won't have this issues with the uhaul again because my sister and her husband are going to rent it for us and we'll just give them the money for it.
We are also anxious to get our furniture back because though it's nice not having to provide your own furniture when your low on funds, the quality of the furniture isn't the same as ours. Our bed alone is worth moving out of here for and they have their own bed, so they won't miss it. My sister and her husband are giving pretty much all of our furniture back when we move...not sure what they are going to do, but I guess they can work on getting their own since we're giving them so much notice.
Today my WW leader told us to set a small goal to get to by the end of June weight-wise. I don't want to set a specific weight but I will say that I want to be at at least 35 pounds down by the end of June, which is 21 pounds from what I have lost this week. I also have to up my activity because I increase it one week then do almost nothing the next, so I have to get more consistent with my exercise.
We found a good way to save money because we've gotten really bad at it. I have a debit card on Mike's account but it's a separate number and we've never used it. To use it we have to transfer money from his card to that one, so we decided to activate it and start saving money on that card by transferring so much each payday to it. We hardly ever think about this card and we agreed we'd only use the money on it for things like moving, furniture, flying back to St. Louis for a visit, and stuff like that.
I'm getting anxious to move and our agreed upon moving date is March 31st-April 1st. We'd like to move sooner but don't want to have to pay a prorated 1st month because we moved in before the beginning of the month. Thankfully, we won't have this issues with the uhaul again because my sister and her husband are going to rent it for us and we'll just give them the money for it.
We are also anxious to get our furniture back because though it's nice not having to provide your own furniture when your low on funds, the quality of the furniture isn't the same as ours. Our bed alone is worth moving out of here for and they have their own bed, so they won't miss it. My sister and her husband are giving pretty much all of our furniture back when we move...not sure what they are going to do, but I guess they can work on getting their own since we're giving them so much notice.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Come On February
Okay, so today is CD5 and I have started the progesterone shutdown. Part of me is doubtful it's going to work and the other part has high hopes for it. I started 1/4tsp of Emerita USP progesterone cream twice a day today on my hands, inner wrists, neck, and face...the first dose was at 12:30am, the second will be at 12:30pm before we go to bed. I also started pregnenolone, which is an OTC supplement that the body naturally produces to create progesterone. I'm only taking 20mg per day though you can take up to 200mg. I take it at the same time as I do my first dose of the cream.
I also am taking 2 chasteberry/vitex pills twice a day but not at the same time. I usually take the rest of my vitamins including the DIM with my grapefruit juice at about 8:30am, so I'm trying to space them out where they don't counteract each other. I haven't read anything saying that you can't take all of them together and, in fact, most of my research they recommend the chasteberry/vitex, DIM, and pregnenolone to overcome estrogen dominance.
The next couple of months are going to be stressful because we are trying to help motivate my sister-in-law to go out and really put in the effort to get a job, we have to pack & organize our apartment, and we aren't going to have much time to TTC plus considering the lack of privacy it's not really even worth trying until we move into the bigger apartment.
We are definitely lacking in privacy and room in this apartment. We did talk to Mike's sister about what we were going to have to do if she didn't get a job by the time we are moving, which is the beginning of April. Basically, we told her we can afford a 2 bedroom apartment and the utilities that come with it but it's going to be tight when it comes to any extras including food, so if she doesn't have a job 2 weeks before we're due to move when we go to put the deposit on the apartment, then she's going to have to move back to their parents' house until she has a job and once our lease expires on a 1 bedroom then we'd move into a 2 bedroom with her.
We don't want to kick her out or anything but if she's not working, we can't keep picking up the tab for her because it's just showing her that someone is always going to take care of things for her. When she moved in, the one thing Mike and I agreed on was that she had to learn what it means to be an adult but she's not learning that. I won't say exactly what she is doing but the only thing she's not doing is looking for a job. She's broken our one really big house rule already and, sadly, her parents are of no help with this because they do it too. It's too big of a risk to take for it to be acceptable to us, but she doesn't care. I'll say this, I don't care if every state has people campaigning to make pot legal, until the laws change it is still illegal, and Mike and I don't want it linked to us in any way.
We try to tell her that if she has to do any drug tests, she will fail because of the pot but she doesn't care. I've seen people do a lot of stupid, illegal things but what I can't abide by is exposing your children to your own use of illegal substances on a constant basis, I don't care if it is only pot. All that does is teach them that it's okay to do it if you don't get caught and to teach their children the same bad habits. THAT is bad parenting. Hard core druggies and alcoholics lose their children for this, but people tend to overlook people who get high on pot because people don't tend to die from it. You aren't an adult if you are still doing stupid childish things like this and teaching it to your kids. I have no respect for people who are like that, including my in-laws as well as my other sister-in-law and her boyfriend who smoke it around their 2 year old daughter.
Now that my little rant on pot smoking in-laws is done. Bring on February.
I also am taking 2 chasteberry/vitex pills twice a day but not at the same time. I usually take the rest of my vitamins including the DIM with my grapefruit juice at about 8:30am, so I'm trying to space them out where they don't counteract each other. I haven't read anything saying that you can't take all of them together and, in fact, most of my research they recommend the chasteberry/vitex, DIM, and pregnenolone to overcome estrogen dominance.
The next couple of months are going to be stressful because we are trying to help motivate my sister-in-law to go out and really put in the effort to get a job, we have to pack & organize our apartment, and we aren't going to have much time to TTC plus considering the lack of privacy it's not really even worth trying until we move into the bigger apartment.
We are definitely lacking in privacy and room in this apartment. We did talk to Mike's sister about what we were going to have to do if she didn't get a job by the time we are moving, which is the beginning of April. Basically, we told her we can afford a 2 bedroom apartment and the utilities that come with it but it's going to be tight when it comes to any extras including food, so if she doesn't have a job 2 weeks before we're due to move when we go to put the deposit on the apartment, then she's going to have to move back to their parents' house until she has a job and once our lease expires on a 1 bedroom then we'd move into a 2 bedroom with her.
We don't want to kick her out or anything but if she's not working, we can't keep picking up the tab for her because it's just showing her that someone is always going to take care of things for her. When she moved in, the one thing Mike and I agreed on was that she had to learn what it means to be an adult but she's not learning that. I won't say exactly what she is doing but the only thing she's not doing is looking for a job. She's broken our one really big house rule already and, sadly, her parents are of no help with this because they do it too. It's too big of a risk to take for it to be acceptable to us, but she doesn't care. I'll say this, I don't care if every state has people campaigning to make pot legal, until the laws change it is still illegal, and Mike and I don't want it linked to us in any way.
We try to tell her that if she has to do any drug tests, she will fail because of the pot but she doesn't care. I've seen people do a lot of stupid, illegal things but what I can't abide by is exposing your children to your own use of illegal substances on a constant basis, I don't care if it is only pot. All that does is teach them that it's okay to do it if you don't get caught and to teach their children the same bad habits. THAT is bad parenting. Hard core druggies and alcoholics lose their children for this, but people tend to overlook people who get high on pot because people don't tend to die from it. You aren't an adult if you are still doing stupid childish things like this and teaching it to your kids. I have no respect for people who are like that, including my in-laws as well as my other sister-in-law and her boyfriend who smoke it around their 2 year old daughter.
Now that my little rant on pot smoking in-laws is done. Bring on February.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The YoYo Effect
Ok, for weeks, actually almost the entire time I've been doing WW, I have been yoyoing back and forth, losing one week then gaining it and more back the next. Last week, when I started the provera I gained 2.2 pounds, this week when I'm off of the provera, I lost 0.8 pounds. The first time I did WW, I didn't have this issue. Most weeks I would lose and I'd have a rare gain one week then lose it the next. I have the feeling my hormones and the provera are what's causing this.
I'm not saying that I always eat 100% healthy but I do well enough that I shouldn't be having this struggle week after week. I always drink at least 6 cups of water per day, I take my vitamins daily, the only thing I really don't do consistently is get all of my fruits and veggies in each day. I try, but it doesn't always happen. I'm just not a veggie lover and they recommend getting in more veggies than fruits.
The reason I say I think my hormones are affecting this is because it's always worse in the weeks after I don't O and that I start provera. I think all of the excess estrogen in my system just makes my body hold onto the fat instead of getting rid of it the way it should. It's very frustrating to put up with the ups and downs every week. I could handle it better if it were every once in awhile but not every week. I have been doing WW for 3 months and haven't even averaged 6 pounds per month. I'm keeping most of what I've lost off but my body is really fighting me on this and this is what I've put up with for years. I think my body really just doesn't want to let go of the fat because that's what estrogen does.
I am starting a new regimen called the Fertility Shutdown. It was originated by Dr. John Lee, world renown expert in bioidentical medicines, and it's done in order to help women with an-ovulatory cycles O on their own. Basically what it is is using a bioidentical progesterone cream (example: Emerita Pro-Gest) with USP progesterone in it to temporarily turn off the ovaries' attempts to O each month. For 2-3 months/cycles you follow an organic diet with little to no red meats and limit your exposure to xenoestrogens (can be from plastics, dairy products, shampoo, toothpaste, body wash, etc) to limit how much man made estrogen is entering your system. Twice a day from cd-5 to cd-26 you use 1/4 tsp of the progesterone cream rubbing it into areas where the skin is thin like your wrists, hands, feet, upper chest, neck, and face (basically any areas where you can clearly see blue veins under your skin).
You should be monitoring your BBT this entire time because some women do O during the first month/cycle of the shutdown because until then the estrogen in their system has been pretty much unopposed, so by progesterone loading the body does what it is supposed to do. If you choose, you can try to catch that egg or if not continue for at least one more cycle repeating with the progesterone cream on cd-5 to cd-26. Three months would be ideal, but if you monitor your BBT you can tell if the progesterone is having the right effect. Once you stop on CD-26 you should have a normal AF soon after.
Once the 3 months are up, you only do the progesterone cream once daily on cd-15 to cd-28 or if you're charting your BBT, you start it the day after O for 14 days. Basically, what this is supposed to do is kind of recondition your ovaries to function normally, so you can have normal cycles again and O without the use of pharmaceuticals. I've read a lot of testimonies about this working for many, many women. I'm just waiting for AF to start and CD5 to get here, so I can start this. I don't know how well I'll do on a strictly organic diet/lifestyle for 3 months but I'm hoping regardless it will work.
I'm not saying that I always eat 100% healthy but I do well enough that I shouldn't be having this struggle week after week. I always drink at least 6 cups of water per day, I take my vitamins daily, the only thing I really don't do consistently is get all of my fruits and veggies in each day. I try, but it doesn't always happen. I'm just not a veggie lover and they recommend getting in more veggies than fruits.
The reason I say I think my hormones are affecting this is because it's always worse in the weeks after I don't O and that I start provera. I think all of the excess estrogen in my system just makes my body hold onto the fat instead of getting rid of it the way it should. It's very frustrating to put up with the ups and downs every week. I could handle it better if it were every once in awhile but not every week. I have been doing WW for 3 months and haven't even averaged 6 pounds per month. I'm keeping most of what I've lost off but my body is really fighting me on this and this is what I've put up with for years. I think my body really just doesn't want to let go of the fat because that's what estrogen does.
I am starting a new regimen called the Fertility Shutdown. It was originated by Dr. John Lee, world renown expert in bioidentical medicines, and it's done in order to help women with an-ovulatory cycles O on their own. Basically what it is is using a bioidentical progesterone cream (example: Emerita Pro-Gest) with USP progesterone in it to temporarily turn off the ovaries' attempts to O each month. For 2-3 months/cycles you follow an organic diet with little to no red meats and limit your exposure to xenoestrogens (can be from plastics, dairy products, shampoo, toothpaste, body wash, etc) to limit how much man made estrogen is entering your system. Twice a day from cd-5 to cd-26 you use 1/4 tsp of the progesterone cream rubbing it into areas where the skin is thin like your wrists, hands, feet, upper chest, neck, and face (basically any areas where you can clearly see blue veins under your skin).
You should be monitoring your BBT this entire time because some women do O during the first month/cycle of the shutdown because until then the estrogen in their system has been pretty much unopposed, so by progesterone loading the body does what it is supposed to do. If you choose, you can try to catch that egg or if not continue for at least one more cycle repeating with the progesterone cream on cd-5 to cd-26. Three months would be ideal, but if you monitor your BBT you can tell if the progesterone is having the right effect. Once you stop on CD-26 you should have a normal AF soon after.
Once the 3 months are up, you only do the progesterone cream once daily on cd-15 to cd-28 or if you're charting your BBT, you start it the day after O for 14 days. Basically, what this is supposed to do is kind of recondition your ovaries to function normally, so you can have normal cycles again and O without the use of pharmaceuticals. I've read a lot of testimonies about this working for many, many women. I'm just waiting for AF to start and CD5 to get here, so I can start this. I don't know how well I'll do on a strictly organic diet/lifestyle for 3 months but I'm hoping regardless it will work.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
January's Half Over
So, there are a lot of changes in the works for this year already. Mike's sister, Mimi (her nickname), has moved in with us and been with us since about the 6th. It's made us realize even more just how small this apartment is but things seem to be moving along as smoothly as they can. It's not too difficult, with the exception of lack of room or privacy, in this apartment right now. Mimi sleeps in the bedroom at night while Mike and I are working, then she's usually up before we go to bed.
I've been getting a lot more work done because we have several goals for things we need to save for. The first being we still have to file for bankruptcy. The second is we need to move into a bigger apartment. The third is getting a car. The last is saving to one day do the IVF with PGD procedure.
The first two goals are the most urgent. We just need to get the financial issues behind us before we move anywhere, so we're hoping to file and be done with it in the next month and a half, then move by mid March or early April. We discussed moving into a 2 bedroom where we are now but it really won't afford us that much more room and we'd still need our storage shed. So, we looked at the costs of paying our own utilities and rent combined versus having it all paid in one where we are now. We've pretty much decided that when we move, we'll be moving out of the complex we are in now based on those calculations.
Roughly, the costs of moving to a 2 bedroom here, are really much more than it will be to have all of the extra utility/other bills again. It's roughly $1250 a month with internet access for a 2 bedroom where we are now. We figured we paid at most $350 a month for all of our utilities (electricity, gas, internet, satellite/cable, water/sewer/trash) per month at the highest during the summer. Most of the 2 bedroom apartments we're looking at range from $660 to $780 a month with water/sewer/trash included. So even if we spent $350 a month on utilities it still wouldn't cost as much as a 2 bedroom where we are now.
We figure it's about $200 to rent a truck and will probably take at least 2 to 3 days to move regardless of whether we stay where we are or if we move to a bigger apartment. We have to look at affordability more than anything else. Mike roughly brings in $1570 a month after taxes and I average about $600, I could make more but until now that's been sufficient. We would have very little left if we had to pay $1250 a month and the money I make would become even more important, so the times when I don't have work would just cause stress instead of being another day off.
Mimi is in the process of looking for a job, and she has a hopeful prospect that she's going to apply & possibly interview for on Monday. It's an on the job training type thing but if she gets it she'll be starting off at about $9/hour and working a minimum of 20 hours a week, then if she proves to be a reliable worker she'll get more hours up to possibly full time, which would really help us out a lot, especially if we have to make payments to the court after the bankruptcy if we have to file Chapter 13 (we're hoping to file Chapter 7 but who knows).
We made an agreement with her that once she starts working, she'll pay a third of the rent while we are in our current apartment then once we move she will pay us about $300 per month with utilities included, it could be more but just depends on how much the rent is wherever we move but we don't want to take all of her money. I've been in that situation and it's not fair, so we won't do that to her. We figure even if we have to pay $1000 a month for rent, a third of that or the costs of the utilities would be about $335, so it's a pretty average figure. Then if we move somewhere where the rent is more like $700, then she'd be paying a third of the rent and $50-$85 towards the utilities too. That's pretty good for your first place.
But until she gets a job, we will be supporting her. She doesn't really ask for much but her eating habits are very different from ours and so much stuff comes into the house that we don't normally buy, like soda (we are water, juice and milk people for the most part), candy bars, and chips. Well, keep your fingers crossed that she gets this job and then we might be moving sooner but if not, then it'll be in the time frame I already mentioned.
Oh, don't know what happened (except maybe the Jack in the Box Mike brought home on Friday) last week because I had a really good week and according to my home scale early in the week I'd lost 2 pounds, but when I weighed in I'd gained 2.2 pounds. Oh, well, that'll teach me to eat that heavy before I weigh in.
I've been getting a lot more work done because we have several goals for things we need to save for. The first being we still have to file for bankruptcy. The second is we need to move into a bigger apartment. The third is getting a car. The last is saving to one day do the IVF with PGD procedure.
The first two goals are the most urgent. We just need to get the financial issues behind us before we move anywhere, so we're hoping to file and be done with it in the next month and a half, then move by mid March or early April. We discussed moving into a 2 bedroom where we are now but it really won't afford us that much more room and we'd still need our storage shed. So, we looked at the costs of paying our own utilities and rent combined versus having it all paid in one where we are now. We've pretty much decided that when we move, we'll be moving out of the complex we are in now based on those calculations.
Roughly, the costs of moving to a 2 bedroom here, are really much more than it will be to have all of the extra utility/other bills again. It's roughly $1250 a month with internet access for a 2 bedroom where we are now. We figured we paid at most $350 a month for all of our utilities (electricity, gas, internet, satellite/cable, water/sewer/trash) per month at the highest during the summer. Most of the 2 bedroom apartments we're looking at range from $660 to $780 a month with water/sewer/trash included. So even if we spent $350 a month on utilities it still wouldn't cost as much as a 2 bedroom where we are now.
We figure it's about $200 to rent a truck and will probably take at least 2 to 3 days to move regardless of whether we stay where we are or if we move to a bigger apartment. We have to look at affordability more than anything else. Mike roughly brings in $1570 a month after taxes and I average about $600, I could make more but until now that's been sufficient. We would have very little left if we had to pay $1250 a month and the money I make would become even more important, so the times when I don't have work would just cause stress instead of being another day off.
Mimi is in the process of looking for a job, and she has a hopeful prospect that she's going to apply & possibly interview for on Monday. It's an on the job training type thing but if she gets it she'll be starting off at about $9/hour and working a minimum of 20 hours a week, then if she proves to be a reliable worker she'll get more hours up to possibly full time, which would really help us out a lot, especially if we have to make payments to the court after the bankruptcy if we have to file Chapter 13 (we're hoping to file Chapter 7 but who knows).
We made an agreement with her that once she starts working, she'll pay a third of the rent while we are in our current apartment then once we move she will pay us about $300 per month with utilities included, it could be more but just depends on how much the rent is wherever we move but we don't want to take all of her money. I've been in that situation and it's not fair, so we won't do that to her. We figure even if we have to pay $1000 a month for rent, a third of that or the costs of the utilities would be about $335, so it's a pretty average figure. Then if we move somewhere where the rent is more like $700, then she'd be paying a third of the rent and $50-$85 towards the utilities too. That's pretty good for your first place.
But until she gets a job, we will be supporting her. She doesn't really ask for much but her eating habits are very different from ours and so much stuff comes into the house that we don't normally buy, like soda (we are water, juice and milk people for the most part), candy bars, and chips. Well, keep your fingers crossed that she gets this job and then we might be moving sooner but if not, then it'll be in the time frame I already mentioned.
Oh, don't know what happened (except maybe the Jack in the Box Mike brought home on Friday) last week because I had a really good week and according to my home scale early in the week I'd lost 2 pounds, but when I weighed in I'd gained 2.2 pounds. Oh, well, that'll teach me to eat that heavy before I weigh in.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Update...
I found out this morning after checking with our insurance that they no longer cover appointments to an RE for any reason. That said, we can't afford to pay for an RE on our own so we won't be going on Monday after all. We are hopeful that we may find an OB/GYN that may take me and help us out but unless I'm pregnant the insurance won't cover it since I just went in June 2010.
After discussing it, and we considered all options, we decided to just stop actively ttc but not prevent it either. I'm going to start focusing on my weight loss and getting in shape to run/walk the half marathon here in Vegas this coming December. Hopefully, by doing those things we'll conceive naturally without needing the clomid.
I am willing to accept that if it's meant to happen it will happen when it happens, so why should I make myself miserable and stressing myself out each cycle when there are other important things to do before it happens.
After discussing it, and we considered all options, we decided to just stop actively ttc but not prevent it either. I'm going to start focusing on my weight loss and getting in shape to run/walk the half marathon here in Vegas this coming December. Hopefully, by doing those things we'll conceive naturally without needing the clomid.
I am willing to accept that if it's meant to happen it will happen when it happens, so why should I make myself miserable and stressing myself out each cycle when there are other important things to do before it happens.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Another Bust...
Well, this month is a bust on the TTC front. After a few days of yoyoing BBTs, either I didn't O or I O'd much later than we thought and if that's the case there's no way we caught it. We have an appointment with the new RE on Monday next week. I'm hoping that after a month off, and 15lbs down, this new one will start us where we left off with the clomid (150mg) instead of starting us all over again at 50mg.
If the next cycle doesn't start on it's own by the time we go to the RE, it's back on the Provera for another cycle to get things started. I am a little disappointed because I was really hoping things had done on their own instead of having to resort to pharmaceuticals again. I'm not going to beat myself up about needing help with this but that doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it.
I'll let everyone know how it goes, but I'm expecting the typical first appointment stuff and more about how I need to lose more weight. Hopefully, this new one is a plus size friendly but I've heard good things about him.
If the next cycle doesn't start on it's own by the time we go to the RE, it's back on the Provera for another cycle to get things started. I am a little disappointed because I was really hoping things had done on their own instead of having to resort to pharmaceuticals again. I'm not going to beat myself up about needing help with this but that doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it.
I'll let everyone know how it goes, but I'm expecting the typical first appointment stuff and more about how I need to lose more weight. Hopefully, this new one is a plus size friendly but I've heard good things about him.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Ehhh...
Ok, so I got a little impatient and took a test after I got home from my meeting. It had been like 4 hour minimum since I'd drank anything or gone to the bathroom and it was a BFN. I may retest later with FMU after we go to bed but neither of us are really tired at the moment. I'll discuss it with Mike and see what he thinks but I'm honestly willing to wait another 3 to 4 days or so before I test again if AF doesn't start. I am 11dpo today so it could be too early since I don't really know how long my luteal phase is.
On to better news...I was thinking this wasn't a great week. I got my fruits and veggies in each day but was just feeling like I hadn't lost any weight. When I weighed in they told me I was down 0.8 pounds, so that's almost a pound. I'm happy with a pound...I was really hoping to hit my 20 pound mark this week but in all honesty, it's not about the pounds lost by this point. It's still about teaching myself to eat healthy and until I get in the habit of doing it without having to think about it, I'll still be focusing on that. My exercise wasn't all that great this week either...didn't do much and couldn't motivate myself to do much. I really, really just hate exercise.
On to better news...I was thinking this wasn't a great week. I got my fruits and veggies in each day but was just feeling like I hadn't lost any weight. When I weighed in they told me I was down 0.8 pounds, so that's almost a pound. I'm happy with a pound...I was really hoping to hit my 20 pound mark this week but in all honesty, it's not about the pounds lost by this point. It's still about teaching myself to eat healthy and until I get in the habit of doing it without having to think about it, I'll still be focusing on that. My exercise wasn't all that great this week either...didn't do much and couldn't motivate myself to do much. I really, really just hate exercise.
Friday, January 7, 2011
How We Met...
I'm still not anxious to test, not that I think it's going to be a BFN. Something in me just isn't in a hurry to test. Gonna wait it out till tomorrow and hopefully see a lovely BFP on a test.
I was looking through the blog after telling my sister-in-law last night how Mike and I met and can't believe I forgot to tell the story.
Okay, so the story started a little over 6 years ago. My sister and her husband decided because of financial issues they were going to move to Las Vegas. Something told me that I needed to go with them. Normally, I'm one of those people that would make that kind of decision but easily change my mind but I'd graduated from college the year before and was working at a gas station. I always said when I was younger that I was meant to move to the western part of the US, but I always thought it would be Wyoming (a place I still want to live and eventually raise our children).
So, we drove across country with mostly clothes and electronics in 2 fully loaded cars. Only my brother-in-law and I drove because we let my sister drive once in Oklahoma City and she almost killed us, she was driving my car at the time. It took 3 days pretty much to make the drive and we checked into an extended stay motel until we found someplace with more room and at a decent rent. My brother-in-law pretty much had a job from day 1 because he was working for a sister property and just had to give a letter of introduction.
My sister and I took a couple days off to explore Vegas a little then we got down to looking for work. I had already checked out the classifieds and worked out where I was going to apply. I'd just been offered a job at a call center (I'd asked them to let me think about the offer before I accepted) when my brother-in-law called me and told me that I needed to apply at Westward Ho casino as a change girl. My sister was in the employment center applying for the same position as we spoke. He gave me directions and I headed there.
I got there and they were leaving. My sister hadn't applied for a change girl position because she forgot what she was supposed to apply for, so she just chose cocktail waitress and restaurant waitress positions to apply for. I went in and filled out the application for a change girl and was hired on the spot because of my experience at the gas station and in customer service. What we didn't know was if my sister had gotten hired I wouldn't have been able to work there because they don't hire relatives.
So, I started 3 days later and worked 2:45pm to 10:45pm. It was kind of scary at first because I never thought I would be a casino employee. I'd hoped to work in an office or something that didn't have to do with the casinos. I didn't really pay much attention to the other employees other than the ones that I had to interact with because of my job. It was about a week later, I was heading to my bank to stock up the change I carried on me when I almost ran into Mike coming from that area. Honestly, my first thoughts of him aren't very nice but he looked like a Mexican thug. He was wearing a thick silver chain but he smiled at me, so I smiled back and that was it.
I got used to seeing him around because he started at 2pm, so we almost worked the same shift. I started working there in mid-September but he never spoke a word to me until the beginning of December. I really thought he didn't speak English, which isn't as uncommon as you'd think in Vegas. I was waiting to close out my bank and he was walking past to turn his housekeeping keys over to the next shift. I told him his haircut looked nice and he finally said thank you. After that, we would chat and flirt whenever we saw each other (and usually both of us would get yelled at for it). At Christmas, he came and gave me a huge hug and was getting teased by the other change girls because he didn't hug them.
I heard the beginning of January that I was being promoted after only being there 3 1/2 months that was pretty exciting. It took 2 weeks before they started training me and my schedule changed to match my trainer's, so I was coming in at 4:30, which meant Mike and I didn't see each other that much. I knew he really liked me because if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have been talking to me and following me around as much but he wasn't making a move. So, one night I wrote my phone number down on a piece of paper and told him that I had some numbers for him. He told me he'd find me later before he left. I said okay and knew he was going to finally make a move.
He didn't find me before he left. I was kind of disappointed but figured that if I really wanted him, I was going to have to play dirty. So, the next day I saw him up in the employees area leaving from his break and I told him that I guessed he didn't want that paper I'd told him about and was going to throw it away. He was like what if I do want it. I told him all he had to do was ask me for it. So, finally he asked me for my number.
It was really sweet and we talked every morning for the next 3 days and the following Saturday was his last night that week, so I was going to take him home because that way I'd know how to get to his place to pick him up. (He didn't drive then, so if we were going to go out, I had to do it.) I took him there and then decided that we'd go back to my apartment (shared with my sister and brother-in-law) to watch a movie. Well, he basically ended up moving in with us that night. He went back to his grandma's, where he was living, to check on things but really slept and ate at my apartment.
It wasn't an easy relationship because there was a fraternization policy at Westward Ho and everyone tried to throw that in our faces but the policy only applied to employees that had money interactions with each other. Since he was in housekeeping, he had nothing to do with money and I got the blessing of our assistant floor manager before we actually let it slip that we were together. We've been together ever since and we've had some tough times but they never changed how we feel about each other.
I was looking through the blog after telling my sister-in-law last night how Mike and I met and can't believe I forgot to tell the story.
Okay, so the story started a little over 6 years ago. My sister and her husband decided because of financial issues they were going to move to Las Vegas. Something told me that I needed to go with them. Normally, I'm one of those people that would make that kind of decision but easily change my mind but I'd graduated from college the year before and was working at a gas station. I always said when I was younger that I was meant to move to the western part of the US, but I always thought it would be Wyoming (a place I still want to live and eventually raise our children).
So, we drove across country with mostly clothes and electronics in 2 fully loaded cars. Only my brother-in-law and I drove because we let my sister drive once in Oklahoma City and she almost killed us, she was driving my car at the time. It took 3 days pretty much to make the drive and we checked into an extended stay motel until we found someplace with more room and at a decent rent. My brother-in-law pretty much had a job from day 1 because he was working for a sister property and just had to give a letter of introduction.
My sister and I took a couple days off to explore Vegas a little then we got down to looking for work. I had already checked out the classifieds and worked out where I was going to apply. I'd just been offered a job at a call center (I'd asked them to let me think about the offer before I accepted) when my brother-in-law called me and told me that I needed to apply at Westward Ho casino as a change girl. My sister was in the employment center applying for the same position as we spoke. He gave me directions and I headed there.
I got there and they were leaving. My sister hadn't applied for a change girl position because she forgot what she was supposed to apply for, so she just chose cocktail waitress and restaurant waitress positions to apply for. I went in and filled out the application for a change girl and was hired on the spot because of my experience at the gas station and in customer service. What we didn't know was if my sister had gotten hired I wouldn't have been able to work there because they don't hire relatives.
So, I started 3 days later and worked 2:45pm to 10:45pm. It was kind of scary at first because I never thought I would be a casino employee. I'd hoped to work in an office or something that didn't have to do with the casinos. I didn't really pay much attention to the other employees other than the ones that I had to interact with because of my job. It was about a week later, I was heading to my bank to stock up the change I carried on me when I almost ran into Mike coming from that area. Honestly, my first thoughts of him aren't very nice but he looked like a Mexican thug. He was wearing a thick silver chain but he smiled at me, so I smiled back and that was it.
I got used to seeing him around because he started at 2pm, so we almost worked the same shift. I started working there in mid-September but he never spoke a word to me until the beginning of December. I really thought he didn't speak English, which isn't as uncommon as you'd think in Vegas. I was waiting to close out my bank and he was walking past to turn his housekeeping keys over to the next shift. I told him his haircut looked nice and he finally said thank you. After that, we would chat and flirt whenever we saw each other (and usually both of us would get yelled at for it). At Christmas, he came and gave me a huge hug and was getting teased by the other change girls because he didn't hug them.
I heard the beginning of January that I was being promoted after only being there 3 1/2 months that was pretty exciting. It took 2 weeks before they started training me and my schedule changed to match my trainer's, so I was coming in at 4:30, which meant Mike and I didn't see each other that much. I knew he really liked me because if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have been talking to me and following me around as much but he wasn't making a move. So, one night I wrote my phone number down on a piece of paper and told him that I had some numbers for him. He told me he'd find me later before he left. I said okay and knew he was going to finally make a move.
He didn't find me before he left. I was kind of disappointed but figured that if I really wanted him, I was going to have to play dirty. So, the next day I saw him up in the employees area leaving from his break and I told him that I guessed he didn't want that paper I'd told him about and was going to throw it away. He was like what if I do want it. I told him all he had to do was ask me for it. So, finally he asked me for my number.
It was really sweet and we talked every morning for the next 3 days and the following Saturday was his last night that week, so I was going to take him home because that way I'd know how to get to his place to pick him up. (He didn't drive then, so if we were going to go out, I had to do it.) I took him there and then decided that we'd go back to my apartment (shared with my sister and brother-in-law) to watch a movie. Well, he basically ended up moving in with us that night. He went back to his grandma's, where he was living, to check on things but really slept and ate at my apartment.
It wasn't an easy relationship because there was a fraternization policy at Westward Ho and everyone tried to throw that in our faces but the policy only applied to employees that had money interactions with each other. Since he was in housekeeping, he had nothing to do with money and I got the blessing of our assistant floor manager before we actually let it slip that we were together. We've been together ever since and we've had some tough times but they never changed how we feel about each other.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I forgot my New Year's Resolutions...
Actually, I didn't. I hate NY resolutions. The only thing they seem to prove to me year after year is that I can't keep them. That's one of the reasons why I joined WW in October because I didn't want getting healthy to be a NY resolution, I wanted it to be something that is important. I did, however, have a sip of champagne with Mike on NYE before he went to work and we toasted to making this a great year in every way.
I have been having a great week so far food-wise. I've been getting my fruits and veggies in every day (at least 5 servings combined) but I'm not feeling the loss this week. So, I cheated and dug my digital scale out from under my bed and weighed myself...I was up 1 pound from when I weighed in on Friday...granted I had eaten quite a bit before I weighed. I forget that the body naturally gains 2 to 3 pounds per day when the stomach is full with food and water.
I also have been pretty lazy this week and really tired most mornings. It seems like every morning by the time it hits 3am, I'm barely staying awake. I haven't even been getting my daily quota of work done for the last 2 weeks because my eyes are just so tired that I can't stand looking at the screen anymore. I'm hoping this is a good sign of things to come. I've been having twinges and am kinda achy but not cramping, so I'm 8dpo today and hoping that when I test on Friday I get the BFP (Big Fat Positive Pregnancy test)we've been hoping for. The only thing I won't be looking forward to if we get that BFP is Las Vegas heat because I'll be suffering through the 3rd trimester in June/July/August/September.
Have a wonderful new year and make it good for you.
I have been having a great week so far food-wise. I've been getting my fruits and veggies in every day (at least 5 servings combined) but I'm not feeling the loss this week. So, I cheated and dug my digital scale out from under my bed and weighed myself...I was up 1 pound from when I weighed in on Friday...granted I had eaten quite a bit before I weighed. I forget that the body naturally gains 2 to 3 pounds per day when the stomach is full with food and water.
I also have been pretty lazy this week and really tired most mornings. It seems like every morning by the time it hits 3am, I'm barely staying awake. I haven't even been getting my daily quota of work done for the last 2 weeks because my eyes are just so tired that I can't stand looking at the screen anymore. I'm hoping this is a good sign of things to come. I've been having twinges and am kinda achy but not cramping, so I'm 8dpo today and hoping that when I test on Friday I get the BFP (Big Fat Positive Pregnancy test)we've been hoping for. The only thing I won't be looking forward to if we get that BFP is Las Vegas heat because I'll be suffering through the 3rd trimester in June/July/August/September.
Have a wonderful new year and make it good for you.
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