Doubtful

It's hard to believe but it's been over 4 1/2 years since we started trying to have a baby. It doesn't seem like it's been that long some days and other days it seems like it's been decades.

We had some reason to hope this month with the clomid but now we have no clue as to what's happening this cycle. We go back to the doctor later this morning to see exactly what he thinks, and maybe we'll have to start fresh or maybe we'll be surprised. I have the feeling we're going on to round 2 of clomid but I'd really like it to be the surprised.

There are days when I just feel so tired and depressed by this whole thing. There are never days that I want to give up. Yes, there are days when I think we should just not pin our hopes on having children of our own and start trying to adopt. One of the hardest things in life, aside from losing our babies, is the fight to forge on and keep trying month after month, year after year.

We know it's what we want but that doesn't make the waiting any easier. I swear when I do get pregnant with a healthy baby one of 2 things is going to happen: 1. We don't tell anyone because we want to enjoy finally having done it; or 2. We only tell immediate family and don't tell them any of our birth plans at all. I just know one thing, I'll be glad to stop obsessing over this once we get pregnant with a healthy baby. We'll be happy with just one natural child if that's all we get but we do want more than that.

But first, I want to know what's going on this cycle.