Thursday, February 24, 2011

Time Out

Ok, I am usually the last person that admits to being stressed and that's an issue for me. I can usually adapt to most situations pretty well but that doesn't mean it doesn't cause any stress. I try to be optimistic because there are really very few things we can actually control in this life, so going with the flow rather than fighting it seems to be the right thing to do. I do, however, feel like I need a time out or a vacation, or something.

It is very stressful living with people you don't like. I love my sister, but don't always like her. They are 100% different from me and Mike, and expect people to just go along with whatever they say/want instead of having their own opinions/thoughts. More and more, I want to just up and move without waiting out the time period we've given ourselves. They keep trying to throw obstacles at us in regards to us moving out of Vegas. I honestly think they might be jealous that we are working harder than they are to make this move work out in the best way possible as early as possible.

We got married while both of us were unemployed. We'd been planning our wedding for months and couldn't just cancel it because the casino we'd worked for decided to go out of business. It was a challenge but we pulled through it together. I got a job about a month and a half after Westward Ho closed but it took Mike over a year to finally get the job at the Imperial Palace. He worked at other jobs throughout that year, and we wouldn't have started ttc or gotten pg if he hadn't been working, but those jobs didn't work out. The thing about Mike is he's a very loyal, hard-working employee and once he's working somewhere he doesn't plan on leaving, so that year was very hard for both of us especially when we found out Nora was dying.

The problem during that year was that Mike was used to people coming after him offering jobs once he'd applied so he wasn't used to actually having to hunt for a job and because I was working at a new job, I didn't really have much time to help him look either. So, he put out very few applications and had one temp job at the convention center and two jobs during that year that were both duds before he got the job at the IP. Everyone we know were very critical of him during that time because I was supporting us, though we didn't look at it that way. We hated always hearing that he wasn't trying hard enough or looking in the right places. It was worse after I got pg too.

The difference this time is that he's put out more applications in the last 2 weeks than he did probably that entire year, and those are to locations throughout the middle part of the country. We are both really resistant to having to move back with my parents because the more we talk about it with them, the more it seems like we are going to be in their way even if we are paying rent and such. So far we've put out about 2 dozen applications in Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, and 1 in Vegas. The hard part is, there really is very little available for him in the area where my family lives, but everywhere else there's jobs out the yingyang.

So, I think I'm taking a time out from the stress and am going to try to become more zen-like. Things are going very well otherwise and I'm anxious to see if my first real week back on the WW without the watchers has been successful. I haven't really exercised much because my neck and shoulder have been bothering me so much in addition to trying to get my work done and help Mike put out applications. Please keep your fingers crossed that we are heading down the right path with this.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Progesterone Cream Testimonial

I know, I know, I already posted today but I have to post a testimonial to the progesterone cream shutdown I've been doing. At first I was skeptical about it actually working because, frankly, why would an OTC cream work when pharmacy meds haven't.

The first cycle that I did the USP progesterone cream shutdown only lasted 19 days, which is very short for me, and I didn't O during that time. At first, I was a little worried about it because that was such a short time between, but in my research on this, I've found that it's actually quite common for the 1st cycle on the PC to be very short. Despite that, I did increase my dosage to 1tsp a day instead of the 1/2tsp during the 1st cycle. Even though I was disappointed in having such a short cycle, I am thrilled that my body finally started a normal cycle on its own with only the PC to help.

I'm 10 days into my 2nd cycle, and though I haven't been following the program strictly, like going strictly organic and eating as healthy as possible, I can tell it's working. In my reading, they say once you apply the PC you should feel an instant almost tingling rush from the site that you applied it. Basically, this is caused by the influx of hormones entering your system and when you have low progesterone levels it's considered a "feel good" hormone. I didn't pay much attention before when I was putting it on, but since we've moved, I put it on when it's quiet, like in the morning right after I get up and right before we go to bed, and I've noticed that little rush when there aren't as many things calling for my attention.

I am very hopeful for this. I know I have to work on other things as well, but I am loving the effects of the PC so far. I have noticed since I started using it that I don't lose as much hair when I wash it, my hair is shinier, my skin is a little more glowy and has more color to it, I generally remain peppy during the day without as many bad moods, and I sleep much better at night than before. I have stopped the pregnenolone also because I think it wasn't helping and taking it along with the PC may have been the cause of that early cycle. I realized the pregnenolone was too much when I started having trouble sleeping even though I was dead tired...that's a side effect of too much progesterone/other hormones in your system.

So, if you are interested in using PC I recommend Emerita Pro-Gest, but any brand with at least 450mg of pure USP progesterone per ounce of cream and without parabens will work. I get a box of 45 individual packets for $16 including shipping from Amazon.com and am currently using 4 packets per day but you should start with 2 per day either together or separately and only increase it if your cycles remain irregular or if your cycles start early like I mentioned mine did. For the shutdown, I know I've mentioned how it works before, you use the PC from CD5 thru CD26 and repeat for at least one more cycle but for best results another 2 cycles. After that, OR if you don't want to do the shutdown, use each cycle from CD14 thru CD28 (basically 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off). Never use the PC for more than 21 days each cycle. It is safe to use during pg because your body should produce progesterone during that time and the small amount you'll get from the PC isn't going to do anything to harm your pg but don't stop it immediately if you get a BFP because your body might need the boost. IF you get a BFP, you can use less but don't discontinue use completely until at least 12 weeks pg and then begin weaning your body from it but talk to your ob/gyn about discontinuing it first because they might want you to stay on it.

Bad Week Continued

Okay, so I know I said it was a bad week and the scale reflected that with a 3.5 pound gain. I'm not surprised but I do know that I need to get my act together and stop using the stress of moving again as an excuse to go off program.

I am still having some trouble with my neck, not so much my shoulder and neck. I don't know what it is, maybe because our bed is softer than the bed at the apartment we had, meaning it conforms better to the body, so my neck isn't as supported with my usual pillow arrangement. I've been making sure my neck is fully supported before going to sleep and it's been reducing the pain to a dull ache.

Now, I have to bitch a bit about living with my sister and BIL. I love them but really can't stand living with them. When we've shared apartments before it's always been all about them (they control the thermostat, they get the master suite but use our bathroom anyways, they never turn the heat on during the winter even when we are freezing, and they bitch non-stop about anything and every little thing our dog might do), and this time we understand they are letting us live with them out of the goodness of their hearts, but it doesn't mean they don't still do things that piss us off.

Our dog is fully house-trained but my sister's 4 dogs tend to do their business in the house if they aren't taken out when they need to go. The last time we lived with them, this practice made our dog forget her house-training and she started to go inside but she hasn't done that since we lived in our house. She's also like any other dog when it comes to going outside, if she sees the other dogs going out, she wants to go too even if she was just out 10 minutes before. BUT if she runs out without a leash on, unlike most other dogs, if you say her name she drops down to the ground and you have to practically pick her up and carry her because she won't move.

My sister sleeps till the very last possible minute on the days she works and as late as possible on her days off, but the problem with that is, either we ignore her dogs begging to go outside when we take ours out or we take them out, which isn't fair to us because they aren't even our dogs. I understand wanting to sleep in on your days off but if you want to have pets you have to take care of them and my sister is the kind that can get up take them out and go back to sleep but she doesn't do that.

The other thing I have to complain about is they are hyper-critical of us spending any money. We are used to making small trips to the store throughout the 2 weeks between Mike's paydays and that's a hard habit to change because we don't usually buy enough food to last us a full 2 weeks when we do big trips to the store anyways. Every time we go the store I feel like we have to make up excuses for it and we shouldn't have to explain our finances to them. Yes, we are living with them because it's less than having to live on our own, but just because Mike is unemployed now that doesn't mean they need to know exactly where every penny we spend goes. They are always yelling at us for leaving a light on somewhere but they don't use CFL bulbs to save on their electricity and they are worse about it than us. They leave a light on in their bedroom all the time, but heaven forbid we make a short trip somewhere during the middle of the night and leave the living room or hallway light on so we can see when we get back because if one of them wake up and see that it's on, we'll get lectured on how they are trying to save money.

We are beginning to despair having to live with them for even 4 months and are really starting to think we should just get out as soon as possible and possibly get a car and a truck instead of just a truck, at least that way we can move much more of our stuff without a moving truck. We probably will be getting rid of our furniture with the exception of the bed and the desk. It's really nice but we just can't afford to move it all and UHaul are a bunch of idiots because they claim both of our debit cards are pre-paid cards not debit cards, so they won't let us rent a truck from them and I'm kind of afraid of having to drive one of those trucks across the country.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's Been a Bad Week...

I know I said I was going to be following the WW program and I have been but somehow I find myself cheating at the end of the day. It's that time of day when you're not really hungry but your brain is crying out for a snack.

I won't be surprised if I gain this week...it's been a stressful and not very good eating week. That along with my neck and shoulder starting to hurt, is just making me feel like I want to eat all the time.

On the plus side, Mike is now done with the IP. He picks up his final paycheck on Tuesday. It's not as much as we'd hoped it would be but it's enough to do what we've got to do with it. We are really thinking a lot about moving to Denver. We don't know anyone there but I've been doing research on what areas have the most jobs available and Denver is always popping up on every site I check.

We've been checking out jobs in that area and housing prices. The thing I'm most afraid of is doing a cold move. At least if we move back to Illinois/St. Louis then we know we'll have a place to live even if Mike doesn't get a job right away. The problem with Denver is, like I said, we don't know anyone there and he'd have to have a job before we moved there. Not only that but we wouldn't have any place to live once we get there and that's something that's almost as, if not more, important than him having a job. We could live in an extended stay motel there for awhile, if they have them, but it would be a short term thing.

I really do need an easy button, at least for moving and getting Mike a job. That way I could just push it and he'd have a job, we'd have a nice rental house in a good area, and we wouldn't have to worry about how we are going to move all of our stuff.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

WW without the Watchers

I'm not going to get the year away from my own scale that I planned on my last birthday since Mike's official last night is tonight. I am going to be doing the WW plan on my own and weighing in each week on my scale, so that means I have to actually know what my weight is. I don't mind that so much...the problem has been that since moving in with my sister and BIL, we haven't been eating as often or as healthy as we should.

I have created my own food log on my desktop and don't close it, so that way it's not as easy to get away with not tracking my points each day. The part that still eludes me is the exercise...I hate exercise. Once I start doing it, I'm fine but actually getting myself to do it is a struggle. It's not even that I don't enjoy exercise, it's the thought of doing it that I don't enjoy. I know that's one of the big reasons why I haven't lost much weight since joining WW in October. I know I need to exercise more but I always use the excuse that I need to lose more weight before I'll feel comfortable exercising.

To be honest, I don't want to move back to Illinois (if we move back there) as big as I am. I know my friends and family will love me for me and not care what size I am, but I am embarrassed by my size. When I moved from Illinois to Vegas, I weighed 100 pounds less than I did when I started WW this time. I've tried to fight the pounds coming on and fought hard to make them come off but not hard enough. I think I was disillusioned the first time I lost weight because it came off so easily, and even though it's not coming off as easily, I still am thinking it should be.

I've got a date with exercise tomorrow morning after I take my sister to work and before I pick Mike up from his official last day at work...so walking DVDs, Just Dance 2, and my other workout DVDs are going to get put to use once again. I'm also going to be firing up my salad days again...wish me luck on doing WW without the watchers.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Being Guided

I'm on here now when I should be working because I have to leave very early to go pick up my sister so we can use her car to move. That's right, we are moving much earlier than planned and we aren't moving into our own apartment either. We are moving in with my sister and her husband, again. It's a temporary fix to a situation that is looking like it may just be God guiding us again.

I firmly believe there are times when God has been guiding me. Like moving to Vegas, for example, I believe I was guided here to meet Mike because it wasn't something I would have done normally and I didn't hesitate with making the decision. I believe this is one of those times. We found out a couple days ago that Mike is going to be losing his job on the 15th of February, after 4 years of service, because his property is the only one in the chain in Vegas that is not part of the union, so since they don't have a contract, the company has decided to save money and outsource the job to a company that they don't have to pay as much or provide insurance for.

We have wanted to move out of Vegas for a very long time, in fact, we were planning to move the September after Nora was due but that was before we found out she was sick and it wasn't as important in the scheme of things then. The desire to live somewhere other than Vegas has been strong for quite awhile, and that doesn't necessarily mean the St. Louis area but that's the easiest choice currently because my family and friends are there, so we'll have a lot of support in helping Mike find a job. I can still do my job there, so we're not as concerned about that.

Now to the feeling guided part. There were really 2 things that were keeping us in Vegas: Mike's job and us no longer having a car. In the last 2 days, both of those have been taken care of. We weren't going to just move out of Vegas with the current economy because Mike had a good paying job and it would be stupid to quit without any guarantee of a job wherever we would be moving. We have to file bankruptcy (I know we've been saying it for awhile)as soon as we get our income tax return and Mike is jobless because we really don't have the money to pay those bills now. We are moving in with my sister and her husband for the time being, so we will have a car to use and they have decided they are going to do for us what I have done for them twice, which is buy a car and let us pay it off (yes, we'll have the money to do it).

We both feel like this is God telling us it's time to get out of Vegas and He's giving us a way to do it by taking care of the obstacles we had in front of us. Mike's job has been taken care of, and with his severance, two weeks vacation, pay for his last week and a half, and about $1000 from his 401k, we'll have the money to move out of Vegas, file bankruptcy, and just in case the car thing with my sister and her husband doesn't work out, possibly enough to buy a good but cheap used car. Really the bankruptcy is now crucial because we have to do it before we move and do it fast so we can save the rest of our money to move.

So, more than likely we are going to end up in St. Louis with my family and friends again. We'll be living with my parents until Mike gets a job and we can afford to move into our own place. The cost of living is much much less there, so we can survive on less. We can also still claim his unemployment there, so until he finds a job there we will have that too.

The hard part will be telling his family that we are moving out of Vegas. His parents are the kind that they don't care what is in reality best for us, they care what is best for them which would mean us staying here and being broke/living off people until the economy turns around or Mike finds a job. The problem is that Vegas is quicksand. It may still be a tourist destination but it's not as great a place to find lasting employment anymore and when places are hiring, they are so flooded with applicants there's very little chance of getting a job. It's also very dependent on the casinos to survive, if the casinos go broke, this city will become a ghost town, and that's not a very stable place to work. It hasn't worked throughout US history when people moved someplace and they had only one source of income there that supported all the other businesses, those places eventually became ghost towns. Vegas is washed up and slowly year-by-year sinking until it will eventually become a ghost town with very little to make it thrive.

So, in 11 days Mike and I will be moving onto bigger and better things. We are starting with step 1 today and as soon as there is no danger of more blizzards/inclement weather, we will be packing up and moving out of this sand trap. We have to have faith that God knows what He's doing and is guiding us to the place we need to be. Please, keep us in your prayers and wish us the best of luck because we are taking a big gamble on this and going on blind faith.