Paranoia?

I have always been one of those people that cannot watch horror movies. I am extremely liable to bouts of paranoia after watching those movies or even seeing movie previews. I will have nightmares when I do finally fall asleep after laying awake for hours with the childish fear that if I close my eyes, the bad guys will get me. It drives Mike nuts because if I see a scary movie, show, or movie trailer before we go to bed I will want to sleep with the light and radio on.

Honestly, I really cannot say I'm paranoid because I've had experiences in my life that could be termed supernatural or paranormal. I think that the paranoia comes from these experiences that I've had and not wanting to experience them again. You know what I mean, those experiences that you feel like someone is watching you, you feel the hair raise up on the back of your neck, when you see something out of the corner of your eye that isn't really there, or those close calls that make you realize that it wasn't your time.

The first experience I can remember was when I was about four and at my grandma's house. I was playing outside on the swing set with my sister and brother, as I came down the slide I was looking towards a pile of rock on the side of the house when I saw a man in running shorts and a t-shirt run past. I asked my sister and brother if they saw him but neither of them did and he couldn't have disappeared from view that easily since he was running towards the vegetable garden.

After my grandpa died, I couldn't sleep when I stayed at my grandma's house because whenever I did, I'd always see him. It would always be the same vision, I'd be coming around the corner from the dining room and into the kitchen. I'd see my grandpa sitting in his spot at the table, then he'd turn around and his eyes would be unnaturally wide open as if he was telling me he was watching me.

Years later I began having dreams about him coming back from the dead. We'd always be catching him up on things that happened and he'd always have an answer about something I was struggling with emotionally. The first time was something about my oldest Godson and his mom, my cousin. The second time was after my college graduation and I was mad at my aunt because I felt like she'd ruined my post-graduation night celebration with my family. The last was right after I moved to Vegas and I was questioning why I moved here; he told me because he wanted me to. I also had a dream similar to these about my sister-in-law's mom, who had passed away right before we moved to Vegas.

When I was a teenager and working nights after school, my sister and I worked at the same place and we'd alternate who was driving. I would see people walking out in front of my car who weren't there and it would freak my sister out. The funny thing is that my mom and sister swear that one of the houses we lived in was haunted and I never had any problems while there.

I did have one experience that was psychically traumatic to me as a teenager. My best friend, at the time, and I were in her basement family room with her date the afternoon before junior prom and we decided to get out her mom's very old ouija board. We knew you weren't supposed to ask personal questions, but we did anyway, and every question about my friend was answered directly but every question about me was replied with a cryptic "It's a secret." While we were sitting with it there between us, my fingernails turned sky blue and my fingers were icy cold. The very last question we asked was who we were going to marry. It said she was going to marry someone named Andy and I was going to marry someone named Mike. We kind of laughed it off figuring the names had gotten mixed up because her date's name was Mike and my crush's name was Andy, twelve years later she's married to a guy who we called Andy back in high school, and I'm married to my husband, Mike.

After that we'd gotten up from where we were sitting on the floor and put the ouija board across the room on the ottoman by the stairs. My best friend was getting ready to go to her hair appointment, so I hung around until she was ready to leave. She asked me to go back downstairs and put it away, so I waited until she turned out of the driveway and left. I just felt like there was something evil there. A few days later, my best friend called me and asked if I had put it away even though she never noticed it out while she'd been down there since. I asked why and she told me her and her brother had gone down there to watch a movie and it was sitting in the middle of the floor where we'd played it, not where we'd left it. I was never able to visit her house after that without getting the creeps.


I've never told anyone, including my husband, but a couple weeks before we found out our daughter died, I had a dream that she was dead and woke up crying that she was gone. My mom knew though without me telling her because she had a dream about my oldest sister being with my mom's mom in heave before she died after birth.

I told Mike that I think one of the reasons I react so strongly to shows and movies about these bad things is because I feel like by watching them, you give those things a power over you that wouldn't be there if you hadn't watched them. You allow them into your aura by acknowledging the possibility that they exist. It's basically, if you don't acknowledge the danger, it can't hurt you.

Every time I've watched movies or shows that do that, I can't sleep for the paranoia and I get jumpy. Watching the old Unsolved Mysteries or the show Haunted would make the hair stand up on end all over my body. So, is it paranoia or is it acknowledging that through other experiences, that I know those things can and do hurt people? I don't know but you won't catch me watching A Haunting at my apartment.